IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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In today’s world,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to choose
alternative
Use synonyms
treatments
Use synonyms
 and medications to ensure they gain a healthy condition with less
stressful
Replace the word
stress
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 and low
in
Change preposition
apply
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cost.
However
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,
this
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 option leads to several drawbacks.
Firstly
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,
people
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 are not only willing to have a healthy life, but
also
Linking Words
 an instant process to get that state of health,
thus
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 they seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
alternative
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treatments
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.
However
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,
alternative
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 medications and
treatments
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 require unprofessional or amateur healthy workers.
Therefore
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,
instead
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giving
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of giving
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 the right
diagnose
Replace the word
diagnosis
show examples
 and medication based on scientific
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and skills, they depict their
patients
Change to a genitive case
patient's
patients'
show examples
 condition based on their experiences and assumptions. Take,
for example
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, in Indonesia, herbal medication for tonsils
is seem
Wrong verb form
seems
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 to be popular,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
people
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 get a suggestion to consume frozen drinks and foods to heal their disease.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 are trying to
minimalize
Verb problem
minimise
show examples
 their medication budget,
therefore
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 they are looking for
alternative
Use synonyms
treatments
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.
Consequently
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, they need to face some
treatments
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 that lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
high quality’s
Add a hyphen
high-quality’s
show examples
 machines and traditional
treatments
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, whether gain a healthy condition, they are susceptible to get mistreatment.
For instance
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, there is an upward trend
due to
Linking Words
 miscarriage, because some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pregnancy
Replace the word
pregnant
show examples
 moms in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 choose midwives to
get
Verb problem
give
show examples
 their baby birth, which
have lack
Wrong verb form
lacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
appropriate tools. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
alternatives
Change the noun form
alternative
show examples
treatments
Use synonyms
 and medications can help patients to get
treatments
Use synonyms
 instantly and
cheap
Change the word
cheaply
show examples
, they still serve several drawbacks that can make
patients
Change noun form
patients'
patient's
show examples
 conditions more severe than before.
Submitted by alifahmad1799 on

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task achievement
To improve the task response, try to expand on your points with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs more logically. Make sure each paragraph deals with one main idea, and clearly link your ideas to show how they connect to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure your writing flows smoothly. Using transitional phrases can help with this.
overall
Improve the precision of your language use. Avoid errors in grammar and usage, and ensure that all words are used correctly in their context.
introduction conclusion present
You have clearly presented an introduction and a conclusion, which help in framing your essay well.
relevant specific examples
You have included relevant points and examples, such as the instance of herbal medication in Indonesia, which helps to illustrate your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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