Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In today’s world,
people
tend to choose
alternative
treatments
and medications to ensure they gain a healthy condition with less
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
and low
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cost.
However
,
this
option leads to several drawbacks.
Firstly
,
people
are not only willing to have a healthy life, but
also
an instant process to get that state of health,
thus
they seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
alternative
treatments
.
However
,
alternative
medications and
treatments
require unprofessional or amateur healthy workers.
Therefore
,
instead
giving
Change preposition
of giving
show examples
the right
diagnose
Replace the word
diagnosis
show examples
and medication based on scientific
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
and skills, they depict their
patients
Change to a genitive case
patient's
patients'
show examples
condition based on their experiences and assumptions. Take,
for example
, in Indonesia, herbal medication for tonsils
is seem
Wrong verb form
seems
show examples
to be popular,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
people
get a suggestion to consume frozen drinks and foods to heal their disease.
On the other hand
,
people
are trying to
minimalize
Verb problem
minimise
show examples
their medication budget,
therefore
they are looking for
alternative
treatments
.
Consequently
, they need to face some
treatments
that lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
high quality’s
Add a hyphen
high-quality’s
show examples
machines and traditional
treatments
.
Subsequently
, whether gain a healthy condition, they are susceptible to get mistreatment.
For instance
, there is an upward trend
due to
miscarriage, because some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pregnancy
Replace the word
pregnant
show examples
moms in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
choose midwives to
get
Verb problem
give
show examples
their baby birth, which
have lack
Wrong verb form
lacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
appropriate tools. In conclusion,
although
alternatives
Change the noun form
alternative
show examples
treatments
and medications can help patients to get
treatments
instantly and
cheap
Change the word
cheaply
show examples
, they still serve several drawbacks that can make
patients
Change noun form
patients'
patient's
show examples
conditions more severe than before.
Submitted by alifahmad1799 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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overall
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introduction conclusion present
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relevant specific examples
You have included relevant points and examples, such as the instance of herbal medication in Indonesia, which helps to illustrate your arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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