IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #information #research #business #world
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Nowadays, almost every
information
Use synonyms
 can be shared through gadgets. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, some people argue that it is useful to share research,
such
Linking Words
 as business, scientific, and academic spheres. Others guess that the data that
sends
Wrong verb form
is sent
show examples
 so freely can be vital and crucial for humanity. I tend to disagree
due to
Linking Words
 drawbacks that outweigh the benefits of sending
information
Use synonyms
 too openly. On the one hand, everyone has access to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
every reference that they need.
Thus
Linking Words
, it encourages numerous issues and can leak precious
information
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, plenty of disinformation
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 day by day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are multiple scams that provide more issues for the residents who gained
such
Linking Words
 messages.
For instance
Linking Words
, residents from other nations can perceive valuable
information
Use synonyms
 from one current country, and
obviously
Add a comma
obviously,
show examples
 they will seize
this
Linking Words
 opportunity, so these kinds of leaks can lead to
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 and political problems around the whole world. It will start
from
Change preposition
with
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 small
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 and will end with wars among countries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people who have been struggling with some problems may find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 solution through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientific research. Since, it consists
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
lot of
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as economic statistics, medicine and everything else, those things might be valuable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
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 development.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, scientists will be able to reveal new discoveries in various spheres.
For example
Linking Words
, Artificial Intelligence has
countless
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 to solve any problem, and it is really helpful to ask any question from it, even though it helps in
political
Correct article usage
the political
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spheres
Fix the agreement mistake
sphere
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. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the disadvantages of giving access to
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 so freely
surpasses
Change the verb form
surpass
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 the advantages. The safety of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 should be prioritized.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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formal academic language
Ensure your essay consistently uses formal academic language. Avoid informal expressions such as 'guess' and replace them with more formal ones like 'believe'.
more nuanced thesis statement
Although your introduction sets up the argument well, aim for more nuanced thesis statements that better encapsulate the complexities of the issue.
specific varied examples
Provide more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points better. Examples should be relevant and directly support your main ideas.
transitions linking words
Work on smooth and logical transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
clear introduction
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and your own opinion.
effective conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
aligned body paragraphs
Your body paragraphs provide relevant points that align well with the essay prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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