Many people think technological devices such as smartphones, tablets and mobile phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years many
people
have tended to use
technology more than before. Some people
would argue that technological devices
have more usefulness than beneficial applications, However
, in my opinion, every individual can decide whether to use
these devices
or not. There are two principal responses.
One point which I believe particularly is the fact that technological devices
lead to many illnesses.Many scientists have taken a prohibitionist approach to this
, this
communication Correct determiner usage
these
devices
can harm our bodies by sending harmful waves which could influence on
our mental health. Change preposition
apply
For example
, many teenagers have
addicted to social media and Verb problem
are
this
causes harm to their eyes by making them ayes more stressed. Parents have the burden against using smartphones by limiting their children in using their phones;However
, tablets have useful applications like learning a new course or making money. Most governments have taken a prohibitionist approach to this
,but, most of
Change preposition
apply
people
would argue that using smartphones is their right as they can call and message together and believe that prohibiting phones would be a violation of their civil liberties.
On the other hand
, as far as everyone's evidence too a strong argument in favour of limiting of using smartphones for teenagers. In many societies, children could inspire many dangerous things to harm everyone. For example
, Children can use
many unwanted sites on the internet with one click which recommended
by over 18 Add a missing verb
is recommended
people
, so this
can adversely affect their mental health.
In conclusion, it is unlikely impossible to advise teenagers to use
less their phones. Nevertheless
, given the seriousness of a
dilemma can work and could be taken as the primary target.Correct article usage
the
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Logical Structure
Try to ensure that your ideas are clearly presented and logically structured. For instance, avoid jumping from one point to another abruptly. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
Supported Main Points
Work on expanding each point with clearer, more specific examples and explanations. This will make your argument more convincing and effective.
Complete Response
Revise your introduction to more clearly state your position on the topic. Your essay should present a clear stance—either agree, disagree, or somewhere in between.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which gives your essay a comprehensive structure.
Relevant Specific Examples
You have made an effort to include relevant examples and explanations to support your points. This helps to make your argument more credible.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite