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Writing Samples
Band 5

3 Aban/ Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Scientific research, business, and the academic world play an important role in human evolution and development. Some argue that
these invaluable knowledge
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this invaluable knowledge
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 will give significant advantages when
this
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 information can be distributed freely.
However
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, others believe that it should be charged.
This
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 essay will discuss these two perspectives and provide my own opinion. Having free
access
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 to highly peer-reviewed journals poses several benefits.
Firstly
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, it can be seen as the best way to foster
developments
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development
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 in science, particularly for academic communities in developing countries. When students and scholars from developing countries,
such
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 as Indonesia and Thailand, can
access
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to
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apply
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reputable journal
articles
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, it can stimulate
to
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apply
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new discoveries.
This
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 means that they can learn from the best scientific
articles
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such
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 as Cambridge Journals or Oxford Journals, so they have the possibility to discuss their research with researchers
in
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at
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global
Correct article usage
a global
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 level.
Additionally
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,
the
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they
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 have the opportunity to consume up-to-date information regarding their field.
Therefore
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, the advantages are clearly significant.
Nevertheless
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, some downsides
are
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apply
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persist.
Firstly
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, scientific findings are considered as a novelty,
means
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which means
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 that the writers have the right to acquire royalty from their scientific work. Some scholars
as well as
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 writers gain a great deal of money from their academic research. When people can
access
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 their
articles
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 freely, they will lose their income.
Therefore
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, spending money in order to get scientific
articles
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 means that
this
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 is the best way to respect their hard work and dedication
for
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to
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 knowledge. In conclusion,
although
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 free
access
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 to invaluable information and knowledge
is
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apply
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clearly can benefit many people, in my opinion, the downsides will be greater.
This
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 is because scholars will lose their
copy right
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copyright
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 from their scientific work.

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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task, addressing both views and providing a clear opinion. Ensure that every point made is fully expanded and clearly connected to the main argument to further enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The use of connectors and transitional phrases could be slightly improved to ensure a seamless flow between points. Also, avoid minor repetition of ideas to achieve better coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the debate and concludes with a clear thesis statement.
logical structure
The essay shows a logical structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
The use of real-world examples, such as Indonesia and Thailand, enriches the essay by providing relevant context.
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