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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table gives us information about the number of people working as researchers in technology per million people in five countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table gives us information about the number of people working as researchers in technology per million people in five countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #people #researchers #technology #million #five #countries #features #comparisons
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The table illustrates how many people
activates
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 as
researchers
 in technology per million people in Turkey,
Poland
,
Mexico
,
Moldova
 and
Togo
 between 2003 to 2007.
Overall
,
Poland
 has shown the biggest
numbers
while
 the least amount was seen in
Togo
. The biggest
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 was in Turkey
while
 some of the countries are gradually increasing
for example
Mexico
 and
Moldova
,
also
Togo
 holding the same number.
Poland
 had progressively declined over
this
 period of time from 285 in 2003 to 226 in 2007,
although
Poland
 has remained
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 top
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the list by
numbers
.
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Togo
 has the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
researchers
 gradually increasing and decreasing over
this
 timeline,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
this
 country declined in 2004 and 2006 with 17
researchers
 starting from 18 in 2003 and it climbed to 23 scientists in 2005 and went down modestly again to 18 in 2007.
Therefore
, Turkey has seen the biggest growth, it almost doubled from 47 scientists in 2003 to 106 in 2007.
Similarly
,
Moldova
 and
Mexico
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 seen a slight soar.
Mexico
 started from 147
researchers
 in 2003 and it climbed to 242 in 2005 being in
this
 year the top of the list, and in 2007 the
numbers
 go down to 183.
Furthermore
,
Moldova
 plunged steadily from 103 in 2003 to 89 in 2005, after there was a
noticeably
Change the adverb
noticeable
show examples
 rise to 114 in 2007.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words researchers, poland, mexico, moldova, togo, numbers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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