IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals argue that
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police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
force
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 is not a suitable profession for
women
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, and it is advisable to prohibit them from working in
this
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 field. Personally, I disagree with
this
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 idea
due to
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fundamental
Correct article usage
the fundamental
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 principles of human rights and
potential
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the potential
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 unique advantages of having female forces.
Firstly
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, in modern times, the
right
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 to choose one’s desired profession is considered a fundamental human
right
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.
Therefore
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, dictating individuals’ future careers violates
this
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 basic
right
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.
Moreover
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, there are numerous benefits associated with having female law and
police
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 personnel.
For example
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, the majority of
women
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 possess a natural ability to communicate effectively, particularly with children. Leveraging
this
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 skill, there is widespread agreement that female
police
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 officers tend to excel in communicating with juvenile criminals.
In addition
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, some scientific evidence suggests that female profilers identify re-offenders at a rate three times higher than their male counterparts.
However
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, some may argue that lower physical ability can potentially hinder
women
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 from performing everyday tasks,
such
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 as apprehending criminals and using lethal weapons.
Nevertheless
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, it is
also
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 universally acknowledged that each
police
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force
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 has its own specialized training and requirements.
Consequently
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, only individuals who successfully and proficiently meet these criteria can work in the field regardless of their gender.
To conclude
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, every individual living in a democratic country has the inviolable
right
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 to choose their future career path.
Furthermore
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, the
police
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force
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 may experience numerous benefits by actively recruiting female human resources. For these reasons, I firmly believe that
women
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 are fully capable of excelling in the
police
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force
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulates your arguments effectively. To further enhance coherence, consider creating smoother transitions between your points.
coherence cohesion
You offered clear support to your main points; however, to improve, try providing more varied and detailed examples to substantiate your arguments, especially from real-life cases or statistics.
task achievement
You have addressed the task fully with a clear position throughout the essay. To score higher, expand on the provided examples, making sure they are directly related to the claim made and explore the counter-argument in more depth.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent equality
  • law enforcement
  • empathy
  • gender-based violence
  • community relations
  • diversity
  • team performance
  • systemic gender bias
  • physical requirements
  • culture of masculinity
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