IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Road accidents have become one of the biggest cause of fatalities nowadays. What are the cause of such accidents? How can this problem be dealt with?

#road #accidents #fatalities
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It's obvious that these days
road
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accidents
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 have become one of the biggest reasons
of
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for
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 fatalities nowadays. The question is what are the cause of
such
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accidents
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? and how can
this
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 problem be dealt with
?
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.
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 In
this
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 essay, I'm going to give some causes of
this
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 popular issue
,
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apply
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 and draw my own conclusion. In terms of the factors, the main reason is
recklessness
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the recklessness
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 of the
drivers
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,
espeically
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especially
 when the
drivers
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 are
teenegers
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teenagers
,
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moreover
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moreover,
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 some of
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then
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them
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 have less
experince
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experience
in
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of
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 driving
proporely
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properly
property
,
this
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cause
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is cause
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of
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because
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 there is no license with them.
Additionally
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,
the
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apply
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road
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 conditions,
such
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 as potholes,
effect
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affect
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 the status of the
driving
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driver
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 particularly when the driver
didn't
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doesn't
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 notice
to
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apply
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them
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apply
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, which can lead to
disaster
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disastrous
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 things
such
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 as
accidents
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.
Furthermore
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, poor weather conditions in some countries, and the lack of precautions during these
condition
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conditions
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 on the
road
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regarded
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are regarded
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 as
an
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apply
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important
reason
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reasons
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, so
taht
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that
drivers
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 can't stop
there
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their
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 cars if they have essential things to reach
to
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apply
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, and not their responsibility if they are driven carefully and an accident occurs. When considering solutions, there are
number
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a number
the number
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 of approaches
could
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that could
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 reduce the occurrence of
accidents
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,
start
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starting
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 with setting severe penalties for unlicensed
drivers
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, in terms of fines and imprisonment.
Also
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,
in
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on
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the
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apply
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days with
an
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apply
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adverse weather
consitions
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conditions
 should increase the safeguards on the roads and close the dangerous ones that could cause
a
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apply
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troubles
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trouble
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. In
conslusion
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conclusion
, In my point of view,
reasons
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the reasons
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of
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for
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the
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apply
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road
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accidents
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not
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are not
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 all accountability lies
on
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in
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 the
drives
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driver
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, some falls
of
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on
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 the
road
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, climatic conditions, etc. So, drive carefully to save people's lives.
Submitted by aldanhfahd.afa on

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general
Be careful with repetition. For example, you repeated 'nowadays' twice in the first sentence.
general
Check your spelling and grammar. For instance, consider 'so taht,' 'experince,' 'proporely,' and 'teenegers.'
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words to improve coherence. For example, phrases like 'In addition' can make your writing flow better.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are fragmented or run-ons. Divide lengthy sentences into two to improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments. Examples could include statistics on teenage drivers or specific weather-related accidents.
task achievement
You have successfully identified multiple causes of road accidents such as driver recklessness, road conditions, and weather.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in structuring the essay well.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both causes and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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