The only way to improve the safety on our own road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is established that
road
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safety
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is important worldwide. There is only one method to increase our own
road
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safety
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is to implement strict
rules
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for driving criminals. I am in complete agreement with
this
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proposition because it would be beneficial for
individuals
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and society.
To begin
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with, one
punishment
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for drivers who do not follow
rules
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is a licence suspension.
For example
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, it is observed that the
road
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traffic
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accident rate is very low in a country like Canada as people strictly follow
traffic
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signals every time.
This
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is because
individuals
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will lose their driving licence if they disobey legislation which leads to more
safety
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for pedestrians and cyclists on the
road
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.
Furthermore
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, another
punishment
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would be to increase fines. People would not want to give extra money to the
traffic
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police officers for breaking
rules
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, which makes them obey instructions for
road
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safety
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.
While
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it cannot be denied that there are other ways to improve
road
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safety
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like improving
road
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design and infrastructure,
this
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can be advantageous when
individuals
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use it properly. To illustrate, the governmental authorities provide funds to build well-maintained roads in India,
however
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, public activities like blocked drainage systems and
traffic
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congestion can damage the roads.
Moreover
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, stricter
punishment
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like mandatory jail time would create fear among
individuals
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. To avoid
this
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, people will make sure to follow
rules
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for
road
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safety
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, which would be beneficial for
individuals
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and society. In conclusion,
although
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other methods can be followed to improve
road
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safety
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such
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as developing infrastructure on the
road
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, it is crucial to implement strict
punishment
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like licence suspension, fine money and mandatory jail time for maintaining roads.
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task achievement
One area that requires improvement is clarity and depth in your ideas. Although your arguments are generally well-presented, delving a bit deeper into how exactly stricter punishments improve road safety can enhance your response. This will make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has good structure, but the transition between points can be smoother. Using linking words such as 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' or 'However,' can create a smoother flow and aid in the reader’s understanding.
task achievement
You could improve the depth of the examples you provide, relating them more directly to the point you are making. This will help to strengthen the argument and show a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Including more explicit connections between your ideas and explanations will enhance cohesion. Make clear how your examples and arguments are interconnected, which will boost the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and points, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which contributes to the logical flow of your text.
task achievement
You incorporate relevant specific examples to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
You clearly address the task prompt and maintain focus on the main topic throughout your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • infractions
  • harsher penalties
  • over-policing
  • driver education
  • automated traffic enforcement
  • holistic approach
  • disproportionately
  • legal representation
  • substance abuse
  • awareness campaigns
  • road infrastructure
  • legal measures
  • traffic regulations
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