The continued increase in obesity is the greatest problem faced by developed countries at the present time. What are the causes of this continued increase? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by developed countries today?

#obesity #countries #time

In 2020, I

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

brought

Correct your spelling

bought

show examples

a condominium that was still under construction and it was predicted to

complete

Wrong verb form

be completed

show examples

in 2023.

However

, owing to the pandemic of Covid-19, the completion date has been delayed. On April 30, 2024, I

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

completed the vacant

posession

Correct your spelling

possession

appointment for house key collection. Me and my husband have spent lots of time and funds

for

Change preposition

show examples

the house renovation and

furnitures

Change the wording

furniture

types of furniture

pieces of furniture

items of furniture

show examples

At the end

of June, We started to move

in to

Join the words

into

show examples

our first owned house. I would like to state that for me to pursue

this

qualification by taking

course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

in Australia would create various job opportunities, a better income, and be able to contribute to my

families

Fix the agreement mistake

family

show examples

and my home country, Malaysia.

Submitted by tifjong on Wed Sep 18 2024

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grammar

Ensure that your verb tenses are consistent and correct. For instance, 'I has brought' should be 'I bought,' and 'I has completed' should be 'I completed.'

organization

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs. This passage seems disjointed as it jumps from buying a house to pursuing a qualification in Australia without clear transitions or links between ideas.

examples

Provide specific reasons or examples when discussing job opportunities and how they contribute to your family and home country. This will make your essay more compelling and thorough.

structure

Include a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss, and a conclusion that summarizes your main arguments. This will improve the structure and coherence of your essay.

personal touch

The essay touches on relevant personal experiences, which can make it engaging and relatable.

clear idea

The aspiration to study abroad for better opportunities is a clear and focused idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

118 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
prevalence
sedentary lifestyle
calorie intake
nutrition
balanced diet
economic factors
caloric intake
marketing strategies
genetically predisposed
metabolic rates
physical activity

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The continued increase in obesity is the greatest problem faced by developed countries at the present time. What are the causes of this continued increase? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by developed countries today?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that they can be fit by going to gym, while others think there are other better way to remain fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

“The best way to learn English is to study with native teachers.” What do you think about this opinion? State your point and give reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people believe that countries should invite foreign companies to open their branches, offices and factories in order to develop their economies. Others think countries should invest in their own companies instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some children spend hours every day on the smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.