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Band 6.5

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, with the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, with the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.
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The bar graphs illustrate the average yearly
water
Use synonyms
 usage in different
cities
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 (Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, and Canberra) in Australia
last
Linking Words
 year. The pie chart displays the percentage of sectors using
water
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 in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the six
cities
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 in Australia had
water
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 consumption between 150 and 300
kilolitres
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 per property in 2014,
while
Linking Words
 the biggest distributor was agriculture.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the least
water
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 user
cities
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 were Canberra and Melbourne with just under 150
kilolitres
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 and just over 150
kilolitres
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 per property respectively. The highest amount of
using
Verb problem
apply
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water
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 was in Perth
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 doubled
the
Change preposition
in the
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last
Linking Words
 two
cities
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. Brisbane had 250
kilolitres
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 of
water
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 consumption,
while
Linking Words
 Sydney had 200
kilolitre
Change to a plural noun
kilolitres
show examples
 per property.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Adelaide was between these
cities
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 with around 225
kilolitres
Use synonyms
 of
water
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 usage.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, agriculture was the main sector in consumption distribution with 67%,
while
Linking Words
 the nearest second sector was households with only 2%.
Water
Use synonyms
 supply and electricity had the same amount with 7% of distribution,
while
Linking Words
 other industries and manufacturing had 4% each.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, cities, kilolitres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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