IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, with the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, with the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.
#information #water #consumption #kilolitre #property #australian #cities #sydney #perth #adelaide #brisbane #melbourne #canberra #year #distribution
The bar graphs illustrate the average yearly
water
 usage in different
cities
 (Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, and Canberra) in Australia
last
 year. The pie chart displays the percentage of sectors using
water
 in 2014.
Overall
, the six
cities
 in Australia had
water
 consumption between 150 and 300
kilolitres
 per property in 2014,
while
 the biggest distributor was agriculture.
Firstly
, the least
water
 user
cities
 were Canberra and Melbourne with just under 150
kilolitres
 and just over 150
kilolitres
 per property respectively. The highest amount of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
water
 was in Perth
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 doubled
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
 two
cities
. Brisbane had 250
kilolitres
 of
water
 consumption,
while
 Sydney had 200
kilolitre
Change to a plural noun
kilolitres
show examples
 per property.
Moreover
, Adelaide was between these
cities
 with around 225
kilolitres
 of
water
 usage.
On the other hand
, agriculture was the main sector in consumption distribution with 67%,
while
 the nearest second sector was households with only 2%.
Water
 supply and electricity had the same amount with 7% of distribution,
while
 other industries and manufacturing had 4% each.
Submitted by bloodylady on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, cities, kilolitres with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!