The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, with the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, with the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.
The bar graphs illustrate the average yearly
water
usage in different
cities
(Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, and Canberra) in Australia
last
year. The pie chart displays the percentage of sectors using
water
in 2014.
Overall
, the six
cities
in Australia had
water
consumption between 150 and 300
kilolitres
per property in 2014,
while
the biggest distributor was agriculture.
Firstly
, the least
water
user
cities
were Canberra and Melbourne with just under 150
kilolitres
and just over 150
kilolitres
per property respectively. The highest amount of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
water
was in Perth
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
doubled
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
two
cities
. Brisbane had 250
kilolitres
of
water
consumption,
while
Sydney had 200
kilolitre
Change to a plural noun
kilolitres
show examples
per property.
Moreover
, Adelaide was between these
cities
with around 225
kilolitres
of
water
usage.
On the other hand
, agriculture was the main sector in consumption distribution with 67%,
while
the nearest second sector was households with only 2%.
Water
supply and electricity had the same amount with 7% of distribution,
while
other industries and manufacturing had 4% each.
Submitted by bloodylady on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, cities, kilolitres with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: