IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small. local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring death of the local communities. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #business #people #closure #death #communities
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In the current era, some countries expand over economic aspects through supermarket development which creates a huge competition between them. Some
communities
Use synonyms
 believe that local businesses have hidden through
this
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 period.
Therefore
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, it probably tends to demolish local
communities
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. In the following essay, we will explore viewpoints, and I will support my perspective view. On the one hand, more and more areas boost malls and create competition.
Hence
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, individuals argue that a lot of local coffee shops will be closed in the following years.
That is
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 causing several drawbacks for local
communities
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. In general, nations can not be attracted to
this
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 category.
Thus
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, many of them lost trust and thought that
people
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 were not going to buy from them.
For example
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, especially in the past, my little brother had a tiny canteen that bought snacks and a variety of fruits which bring it from the garden. We can say
this
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 fruit is fresh. Alas,' a large company appeared on the same site which
people
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 tend to .
Consequently
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, my brother lost everything and did not have any trust. In fact,
people
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 would like to accumulate classic things and refuse to adjust.
For instance
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, old men in my country keep old suq to buy principal needs like meat, fruits, silver and gold.
Therefore
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, the young
people
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 share in
this
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 place to obtain some communications. I remember, is an article published in AL Watan newspaper in 2015 which said " Local
communities
Use synonyms
 in an essential project to develop the country and encourage small projects. In conclusion, I am convinced the country is expanding widely and desires development.
However
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, the government should be strict in some projects with clear rules.
In addition
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, the public creates appropriate to compete with other businesses.
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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task achievement
Try to express your ideas more clearly and directly to strengthen your argument. Some points in your essay are a bit unclear or confusing.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main points with specific and relevant examples. This will make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can make your essay easier to follow and more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Work on using transitions more effectively to better connect your ideas and points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid structure.
task achievement
You have made an effort to draw from personal experiences and specific examples, which adds richness to your essay.
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