IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the last century when a human astronaut first arrived on the Moon he said: "It is a big step for mankind". But some people think it makes little difference to our daily life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Scientists
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 are always eager to know about other
planets
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, where they can study them in detail and make them beneficial to the
Earth
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.
While
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 many people argue that in the 19th. Century travellers first time touched the surface of the
moon
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 was a historic development of science and will change our
life
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 towards new developments, others believe that it was a waste of
money
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,
instead
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 that
money
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 could have been used to build public amenities
such
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 as hospitals, schools , roads, and libraries. I believe that the invention of the
planets
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 and the search for minerals will change the population’s lives.
This
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 stance will be proven by carefully analysing the topic and
at the end
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 I will provide my views.
Firstly
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, the main reason is that
due to
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 the growing pressure of overpopulation on
Earth
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,
scientists
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 are looking for other opportunities to send humans to other
planets
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 and they were sure to find
life
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 on the
moon
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. Another factor is that astronauts go on the
moon
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 to search for important minerals, and those artefacts may help the
Earth
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.
For example
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, in 19th. Century
scientists
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 went to the
moon
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 and brought vital minerals to utilise on the
earth
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.
Secondly
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, the primary reason is that astronauts did study on the
moon
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 about incoming future disasters and how
scientists
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 can stop those dangers. Another factor is that similar to the
moon
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 many other
planets
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 are present in our universe , those are untraceable from the
Earth
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, so engineers found some evidence of
life
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 on the other
planets
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.
For instance
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, many countries sent their researchers to collect information, so they can find
life
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 on other
planets
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.
In contrast
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, it cannot be denied that sending
scientists
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 to the
moon
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 waste of
money
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 and that
money
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 can be invested in society to provide roads, hospitals, universities, and other amenities, so people can use those facilities. But in my view the advantages outweigh on disadvantages and the Governments must keep
this
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 program in progress to save them from future dangers. In conclusion, following the analysis,
it is clear that
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 everybody understands that spending
money
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 on astronauts was a waste of cash but it gives us many clues about the
moon
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's surface. Now everybody knows there may be future chances to live on the
moon
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.

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task response
You have provided a good overview of both sides of the argument and introduced your stance clearly at the beginning. However, there are instances of repetition, such as mentioning the 19th-century moon landing twice. Ensuring a more varied vocabulary can make your essay smoother.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between some points could be smoother to improve the logical progression of your ideas. Using more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Moreover') can help with this.
task response
You've mentioned valid points and supported them with examples, but some ideas lack depth. For instance, while you discussed the discovery of minerals, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into how these minerals have specifically benefited life on Earth.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally easy to follow, but there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'astronauts did study on the moon about incoming future disasters'). Reviewing your work for clarity and grammatical accuracy before submission can help.
task response
Your introduction is effective, as it clearly outlines the topic and your stance. This sets a good foundation for the rest of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reinforces your stance, providing a clear ending to your essay.
task response
You have successfully provided examples to support your points, which is crucial for demonstrating your understanding and backing up your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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