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Band 6.5

in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of givin children this message?

#cultures #children #message
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Nations believe that if they want to be successful in some areas or professions they should be keen on the topic and spend great effort on that. For that reason, they impose hard
work
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 on their
children
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 as much as they learn from their parents. İt is obvious that
this
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 handover tradition comes with drawbacks more than the edges. Pros of being diligent pave the way for effective learning to catch up with deadlines, improve the ability to
work
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 under stress and remain dedicated to the main goal. These features are good for the well-being and development of
children
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.
Also
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, it supports shaping their future characteristics as a mature personality. The cons of teaching hard
work
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 to
children
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 at an early age can pave the way for a monotonous lifestyle. Doing the same activities every day may bore
children
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 and create repeated sets of routines.
Therefore
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, they fail to think out of the box to gain effective and instant consequences. From my point of view, just hard
work
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 leads to non-smart and visionless
work
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. Spending a lot of power on something without innovative ideas takes more time than planned.
Thus
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children
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 can be exhausted
an
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at an
show examples
 early age
they
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if they
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 have unprofitable achievements. In conclusion,
while
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 instilling a strong
work
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 ethic in
children
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 has its benefits,
such
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 as developing resilience and discipline, it can
also
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 limit creativity and lead to burnout if not balanced with opportunities for innovation and rest. A well-rounded approach that encourages both hard
work
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 and critical thinking is essential for fostering not only success but
also
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 long-term personal growth and fulfilment in
children
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’s future.
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language
Try to enhance the range of vocabulary and use more complex sentence structures to show a higher level of language proficiency.
examples
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coherence
Work on improving coherence between paragraphs to make the essay flow more naturally and logically.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
relevance
The main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a balanced view on the issue.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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