Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Recently, an increasing number of people with
health
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problems are turning to
alternative
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treatments
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and
medicines
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instead
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of visiting their usual doctor. I believe
this
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is a negative development because
alternative
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treatments
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and
medicines
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can lead to the spread of illegal
health
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products
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and may worsen patients’ conditions.
Firstly
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,
alternative
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medicines
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and
treatments
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may contribute to the rise of illegal
health
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products
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. Governments have established strict procedures for the production of medical
treatments
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, involving several tests to ensure that all
medicines
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are safe and beneficial for patients.
In contrast
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,
alternative
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medicines
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often bypass these tests, and patients can consume them without adequate safety checks.
Furthermore
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, these
products
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are easily accessible, either by visiting
alternative
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medicine practitioners or purchasing them through online websites or applications.
This
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ease of access may be why illegal
health
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products
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are proliferating in society today.
Secondly
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,
alternative
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medicines
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and
treatments
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can potentially worsen patients'
health
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.
For example
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, Olga Syahputra, a well-known comedian, chose
alternative
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treatments
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instead
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of seeing a conventional doctor for his brain cancer. After a long period of
such
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treatment, his condition did not improve. In the case of cancer, time is crucial because it can quickly spread to other organs. Many believe that if Olga had started chemotherapy, the standard medical treatment, earlier, his cancer could have been treated more effectively. In conclusion, the growing trend of people with
health
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problems turning to
alternative
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treatments
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and
medicines
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instead
Linking Words
of visiting their usual doctor is a negative development.
This
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is because it may encourage the spread of illegal
health
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products
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and could lead to a deterioration in patients’ conditions.

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task achievement
Ensure to delve deeper into the context behind the examples to strengthen the argument further.
coherence cohesion
Keep a clear structure as demonstrated, but try to weave linking phrases more naturally for even better flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay’s main points.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported and relevant examples are provided.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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