Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

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Recently, an increasing number of people with

health

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problems are turning to

alternative

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treatments

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and

medicines

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instead

Linking Words

of visiting their usual doctor. I believe

this

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is a negative development because

alternative

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treatments

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and

medicines

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can lead to the spread of illegal

health

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products

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and may worsen patients’ conditions.

Firstly

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alternative

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medicines

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and

treatments

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may contribute to the rise of illegal

health

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products

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. Governments have established strict procedures for the production of medical

treatments

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, involving several tests to ensure that all

medicines

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are safe and beneficial for patients.

In contrast

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alternative

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medicines

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often bypass these tests, and patients can consume them without adequate safety checks.

Furthermore

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, these

products

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are easily accessible, either by visiting

alternative

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medicine practitioners or purchasing them through online websites or applications.

This

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ease of access may be why illegal

health

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products

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are proliferating in society today.

Secondly

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alternative

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medicines

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and

treatments

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can potentially worsen patients'

health

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For example

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, Olga Syahputra, a well-known comedian, chose

alternative

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treatments

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instead

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of seeing a conventional doctor for his brain cancer. After a long period of

such

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treatment, his condition did not improve. In the case of cancer, time is crucial because it can quickly spread to other organs. Many believe that if Olga had started chemotherapy, the standard medical treatment, earlier, his cancer could have been treated more effectively. In conclusion, the growing trend of people with

health

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problems turning to

alternative

Use synonyms

treatments

Use synonyms

and

medicines

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of visiting their usual doctor is a negative development.

This

Linking Words

is because it may encourage the spread of illegal

health

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products

Use synonyms

and could lead to a deterioration in patients’ conditions.

Submitted by adittyafatma on Wed Sep 18 2024

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task achievement

Ensure to delve deeper into the context behind the examples to strengthen the argument further.

coherence cohesion

Keep a clear structure as demonstrated, but try to weave linking phrases more naturally for even better flow.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, making it easy to follow.

coherence cohesion

Strong introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay’s main points.

task achievement

Main points are well-supported and relevant examples are provided.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

alternative medicines
treatments
positive development
negative development
health problems
usual doctor
access
personalized approach
holistic well-being
lack of regulation
evidence-based research
proper medical treatment

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?