Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Recently, an increasing number of people with
health
problems are turning to
alternative
treatments
and
medicines
instead
of visiting their usual doctor. I believe
this
is a negative development because
alternative
treatments
and
medicines
can lead to the spread of illegal
health
products
and may worsen patients’ conditions.
Firstly
,
alternative
medicines
and
treatments
may contribute to the rise of illegal
health
products
. Governments have established strict procedures for the production of medical
treatments
, involving several tests to ensure that all
medicines
are safe and beneficial for patients.
In contrast
,
alternative
medicines
often bypass these tests, and patients can consume them without adequate safety checks.
Furthermore
, these
products
are easily accessible, either by visiting
alternative
medicine practitioners or purchasing them through online websites or applications.
This
ease of access may be why illegal
health
products
are proliferating in society today.
Secondly
,
alternative
medicines
and
treatments
can potentially worsen patients'
health
.
For example
, Olga Syahputra, a well-known comedian, chose
alternative
treatments
instead
of seeing a conventional doctor for his brain cancer. After a long period of
such
treatment, his condition did not improve. In the case of cancer, time is crucial because it can quickly spread to other organs. Many believe that if Olga had started chemotherapy, the standard medical treatment, earlier, his cancer could have been treated more effectively. In conclusion, the growing trend of people with
health
problems turning to
alternative
treatments
and
medicines
instead
of visiting their usual doctor is a negative development.
This
is because it may encourage the spread of illegal
health
products
and could lead to a deterioration in patients’ conditions.
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task achievement
Ensure to delve deeper into the context behind the examples to strengthen the argument further.
coherence cohesion
Keep a clear structure as demonstrated, but try to weave linking phrases more naturally for even better flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay’s main points.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported and relevant examples are provided.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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