IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

More and more people want to buy clothes, car and other products from well-known brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #clothes #car #products #brands #development
Nowadays, many folks in modern countries purchase clothes, cars and many products which are all of them well-known brands. In
this
 essay, I will present the reasons why
people
 do that ,and I will give my opinion.
People
 are influenced in every things that around them they buy expensive brand products for many reasons. First and foremost, folks are affected by social media
in other words
 they see many advertisements that attract them and influence them and they immediately buy
this
 product.
Secondly
, to show other
people
 his/her social class not only that they try hard to buy expensive things to compete with others
for example
, many women try to buy clothes and bags which are high price just because they want to not to be less than their friends.
Furthermore
, many men buy expensive cars to show others that they are in the upper class. I assert that
this
 situation has many adverse
firstly
, all of these brands it is not beneficial for them I mean they should save money for necessary things like food, water,and housing. Another disadvantage is that it will affect their minds because of many debts they will feel depressed and stressed.
last
 but not least, in my opinion, simple life is very peaceful for
people
. In conclusion, many
people
 are influenced by other
people
 for many reasons and in my opinion
this
 is bad behaviour.
Submitted by maha.wed on

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task response
You have made a good attempt at addressing the task and presenting your opinion. To improve, try providing more concrete examples and elaborating on your points. For instance, mention specific social media platforms or advertisements that influence people. This will make your argument more robust.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, ensure a smooth flow between ideas by using more cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, in addition, consequently) to link your points. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which contribute to the overall structure. The opening and closing are effective in framing your argument.
task response
The main points in your essay are relevant to the topic, and you have adequately explained your opinion. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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