IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The debate over the primary aim of
science
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 often
centers
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centres
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 on whether it should focus solely on improving
people
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's
lives
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.
While
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 I agree that enhancing human well-being is a significant objective of scientific inquiry, I believe that the pursuit of knowledge itself and the exploration of the natural world are equally important aims.
Firstly
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, improving
people
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's
lives
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 through scientific advancements has undeniable benefits. Medical research,
for example
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, has led to groundbreaking treatments and vaccines that save millions of
lives
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 every year. The development of antibiotics and surgical techniques has revolutionized healthcare, allowing
people
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 to live longer, healthier
lives
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.
Furthermore
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, advancements in technology,
such
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 as renewable energy sources and efficient agricultural practices, contribute to environmental sustainability and food security, directly impacting quality of
life
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.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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science
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, when aimed at improving human welfare, has the potential to create profound positive changes.
However
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, restricting the aims of
science
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 solely to enhancing human
life
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 may overlook its broader purpose. The pursuit of knowledge for its own sake has historically led to unexpected discoveries that eventually benefit society.
For instance
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, fundamental research in physics has paved the way for technological innovations,
such
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 as the internet and smartphones, which have transformed communication and access to information.
Additionally
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, exploring the mysteries of the universe,
such
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 as space exploration, may not have immediate practical applications but expands our understanding of existence and inspires future generations.
Moreover
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, prioritizing the improvement of human
life
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 can lead to ethical dilemmas.
For instance
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, advances in genetic engineering and artificial intelligence raise significant moral questions. If the focus is solely on enhancing
life
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, we may inadvertently overlook the ethical implications of
such
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 technologies, potentially leading to harmful consequences. In conclusion,
while
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 improving
people
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's
lives
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 is a crucial aim of
science
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, it should not be the only focus. The pursuit of knowledge and the exploration of the natural world
also
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 hold immense value. A balanced approach that combines practical applications with a commitment to fundamental research will ultimately lead to a more enlightened and advanced society.

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coherence cohesion
You've done an excellent job of addressing the prompt comprehensively. However, make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain an even stronger flow.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and well-expressed, always make sure to explicitly tie your examples back to the main argument of your paragraphs to enhance clarity further.
task achievement
You successfully presented a balanced argument, skillfully discussing the importance of both improving human life and the broader pursuit of knowledge.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion that reinforces your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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