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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, some people like to give help to the local community or provide people with direct help. Other pople prefer to give money to national and international organisations. Discuss both methods and give your own opinion on which is better.

#people #community #pople #money #organisations #methods
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Whilst I think that giving help in any form is worthwhile, I believe that helping at the individual or community level is better for two main reasons. In
this
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 essay, I would like to look at these two reasons in more detail. The first reason that I believe in giving help at the individual or community level rather than giving
money
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 through national and international
organisations
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 is that I think it is more financially efficient. When
money
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 is given to national and international
organisa-tions
Correct your spelling
organisations
organizations
, some of the
donation
Change to a plural noun
donations
show examples
 is inevitably lost in covering the cost of administration. Of course,
this
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 happens at the community level as well, but at least the
money
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 is normally used for administrative costs in the location where the
money
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 is needed rather than at offices far from the area. In many countries, there is
also
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 a large risk of losing
money
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 through corruption as some officials seek to line their own pockets at the expense of the rest of the population. The second reason that I believe in helping communities or individuals more directly is that it gives the
person
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 donating the
money
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 a more direct involvement with the people receiving it.
This
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 encourages the
person
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 donating
money
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 to see that it is used well. If the
person
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 is donating their time rather than their
money
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, the
person
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 can see the project develop and put into action. A good example of
this
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 is in Vietnam, where wealthy individuals sometimes build schools in the rural areas where they grew up. Giving
money
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 to national and international
organisations
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also
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 has advantages. One is that
such
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organisations
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 are better able to publicise campaigns for
money
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 and the projects that they are working on. Another is that they are sometimes better at directing
money
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 to the very poorest areas, which might not be able to get their needs heard by the outside world.
To conclude
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, giving time and
money
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 in any fashion is worthwhile, but I think that it is better if people are able to give
money
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 directly to individuals or communities rather than using national and international
organisations
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.
Submitted by camilaaranzazur on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Utilising linking words or phrases can enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
For an even more compelling argument, consider addressing a potential counter-argument more thoroughly. This can add depth to your discussion and demonstrate your critical thinking skills.
task achievement
The essay covers all aspects of the task, discussing both methods of giving help and presenting a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the example about Vietnam, which enrich the essay and support the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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