Nowadays, some people like to give help to the local community or provide people with direct help. Other pople prefer to give money to national and international organisations. Discuss both methods and give your own opinion on which is better.

Whilst I think that giving help in any form is worthwhile, I believe that helping at the individual or community level is better for two main reasons. In
this
essay, I would like to look at these two reasons in more detail. The first reason that I believe in giving help at the individual or community level rather than giving
money
through national and international
organisations
is that I think it is more financially efficient. When
money
is given to national and international
organisa-tions
Correct your spelling
organisations
organizations
, some of the
donation
Change to a plural noun
donations
show examples
is inevitably lost in covering the cost of administration. Of course,
this
happens at the community level as well, but at least the
money
is normally used for administrative costs in the location where the
money
is needed rather than at offices far from the area. In many countries, there is
also
a large risk of losing
money
through corruption as some officials seek to line their own pockets at the expense of the rest of the population. The second reason that I believe in helping communities or individuals more directly is that it gives the
person
donating the
money
a more direct involvement with the people receiving it.
This
encourages the
person
donating
money
to see that it is used well. If the
person
is donating their time rather than their
money
, the
person
can see the project develop and put into action. A good example of
this
is in Vietnam, where wealthy individuals sometimes build schools in the rural areas where they grew up. Giving
money
to national and international
organisations
also
has advantages. One is that
such
organisations
are better able to publicise campaigns for
money
and the projects that they are working on. Another is that they are sometimes better at directing
money
to the very poorest areas, which might not be able to get their needs heard by the outside world.
To conclude
, giving time and
money
in any fashion is worthwhile, but I think that it is better if people are able to give
money
directly to individuals or communities rather than using national and international
organisations
.
Submitted by camilaaranzazur on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Utilising linking words or phrases can enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
For an even more compelling argument, consider addressing a potential counter-argument more thoroughly. This can add depth to your discussion and demonstrate your critical thinking skills.
task achievement
The essay covers all aspects of the task, discussing both methods of giving help and presenting a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the example about Vietnam, which enrich the essay and support the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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