Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small. local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring death of the local communities. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an argument that local
stores
will be forced to close because of difficulty
Correct article usage
the difficulty
to survive
Change preposition
of surviving
due to
the massive innovation and expansion of hypermarkets in several places around the world. I personally agree that the local markets experience a death closure and I will elaborate more on this
essay.
Firstly
, supermarkets usually offer cheaper prices
than the
small Correct article usage
apply
stores
. As huge shopping marts provide more complete goods and a larger area, customers prefer to purchase to
these places. Owing to Change preposition
at
this
phenomenon, the hypermarkets can provide more affordable prices
. For example
, Giant, a famous huge grocery store in Indonesia, often have discount prices
in
certain days, Change preposition
on
such
as weekends. Furthermore
, this
shopping mart also
has its own parking lots which attracts more customers because of its comfortable space. Whereas
, as an independent
Correct the article-noun agreement
independent stores
an independent store
stores
, local marts usually have higher prices
. As a result
, more people choose bigger stores
as their go-to marts.
Secondly
, the huge shopping stores
have wider
range of Add an article
a wider
products
variety. As a part of a big company, supermarkets could offer better products'
qualities and more quantities. The big convenience Change noun form
products
stores
with many varieties can be such
a go-to mart for many people in their daily life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For instance
, Transmart, the company competitor of Giant, provide various product
, it does not only Fix the agreement mistake
products
offers
home groceriesCorrect subject-verb agreement
offer
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
offers fashion and beauty products
. Meanwhile, local stores
offer limited goods because it is more product-segmented. Therefore
, many individuals prefer to shop in bigger stores
for monthly shopping.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that supermarkets
development Change the noun form
supermarket
are
likely to make the local shops Correct subject-verb agreement
is
death
in terms of having more affordable and complete Replace the word
die
products
.Submitted by chocolate10
on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try using more varied transition words and phrases. This will help link your ideas more smoothly. For example, instead of repeating 'Firstly' and 'Secondly,' try alternatives like 'To begin with' or 'In addition.'
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion reiterates the main points of the essay briefly to reinforce your argument. Currently, it introduces new ideas about affordability and completeness in a somewhat abrupt manner.
task achievement
To provide a complete response to the task, consider addressing any potential counterarguments to strengthen your position. This will show a more balanced understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples like 'Giant' and 'Transmart', which add credibility and relevance to your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and well-developed, particularly the points about pricing advantages and product variety in supermarkets.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier to follow your reasoning.
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