Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small. local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring death of the local communities. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an argument that local

stores

Use synonyms

will be forced to close because of

difficulty

Correct article usage

the difficulty

show examples

to survive

Change preposition

of surviving

show examples

due to

Linking Words

the massive innovation and expansion of hypermarkets in several places around the world. I personally agree that the local markets experience a death closure and I will elaborate more on

this

Linking Words

essay.

Firstly

Linking Words

, supermarkets usually offer cheaper

prices

Use synonyms

than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

small

stores

Use synonyms

. As huge shopping marts provide more complete goods and a larger area, customers prefer to purchase

Change preposition

show examples

these places. Owing to

this

Linking Words

phenomenon, the hypermarkets can provide more affordable

prices

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, Giant, a famous huge grocery store in Indonesia, often have discount

prices

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

certain days,

such

Linking Words

as weekends.

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

shopping mart

also

Linking Words

has its own parking lots which attracts more customers because of its comfortable space.

Whereas

Linking Words

, as

an independent

Correct the article-noun agreement

independent stores

an independent store

show examples

stores

Use synonyms

, local marts usually have higher

prices

Use synonyms

As a result

Linking Words

, more people choose bigger

stores

Use synonyms

as their go-to marts.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the huge shopping

stores

Use synonyms

have

wider

Add an article

a wider

show examples

range of

products

Use synonyms

variety. As a part of a big company, supermarkets could offer better

Use synonyms

products'

Change noun form

products

show examples

qualities and more quantities. The big convenience

stores

Use synonyms

with many varieties can be

such

Linking Words

a go-to mart for many people in their daily

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, Transmart, the company competitor of Giant, provide various

product

Fix the agreement mistake

products

show examples

, it does not only

offers

Correct subject-verb agreement

offer

show examples

home groceries

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

offers fashion and beauty

products

Use synonyms

. Meanwhile, local

stores

Use synonyms

offer limited goods because it is more product-segmented.

Therefore

Linking Words

, many individuals prefer to shop in bigger

stores

Use synonyms

for monthly shopping. In conclusion, I strongly believe that

supermarkets

Change the noun form

supermarket

show examples

development

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

likely to make the local shops

death

Replace the word

die

show examples

in terms of having more affordable and complete

products

Use synonyms

chocolate10

Sep 19, 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence, try using more varied transition words and phrases. This will help link your ideas more smoothly. For example, instead of repeating 'Firstly' and 'Secondly,' try alternatives like 'To begin with' or 'In addition.'

coherence cohesion

Make sure your conclusion reiterates the main points of the essay briefly to reinforce your argument. Currently, it introduces new ideas about affordability and completeness in a somewhat abrupt manner.

task achievement

To provide a complete response to the task, consider addressing any potential counterarguments to strengthen your position. This will show a more balanced understanding of the issue.

task achievement

You have provided specific examples like 'Giant' and 'Transmart', which add credibility and relevance to your arguments.

task achievement

Your ideas are clear and well-developed, particularly the points about pricing advantages and product variety in supermarkets.

coherence cohesion

Your essay maintains a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier to follow your reasoning.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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