IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increase in the production of consumer goods (food, clothing) results in damage to the natural environment. What is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The more and more
production
Use synonyms
 of consumer goods (food, clothing) results in damage to the natural
environment
Use synonyms
. It is the result of the exploitation of natural resources without any consideration of the environmental
impact
Use synonyms
 and the
company
Use synonyms
 discharges its
waste
Use synonyms
 directly into the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is necessary for the government to supervise the
company
Use synonyms
 and strengthen the environmental
regulations
Use synonyms
 and use of advanced technology in their
production
Use synonyms
 process. A lot of companies tend to explore raw materials from nature as much as possible to gain more benefits to fulfil the
production
Use synonyms
 target.
This
Linking Words
 impacts the surrounding
environment
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as degradation of soil
quality
Use synonyms
, deforestation and a decrease in the
quality
Use synonyms
 of the air. Another thing is the companies discharge their
waste
Use synonyms
 and emit pollutants into the atmosphere without processing it first.
This
Linking Words
 case can be found in many areas in Indonesia,
such
Linking Words
 as Jakarta, where many factories emit their emission into the atmosphere which puts Jakarta as one of the cities with the worst air
quality
Use synonyms
 in the world. Based on the above problems, there are several things that can be done by all of the parties.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should supervise the business activities of the
company
Use synonyms
 and ensure
such
Linking Words
 activities always comply with the
regulations
Use synonyms
. The authorities body should monitor the implementation of the environmental
regulations
Use synonyms
 and encourage the
company
Use synonyms
 to comply with them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the use of advanced technology which produces less emission and
waste
Use synonyms
 will significantly reduce the negative
impact
Use synonyms
 of
such
Linking Words
 business activity on the surrounding area.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Factories should process their
waste
Use synonyms
 before discharge to the atmosphere and ensure the
quality
Use synonyms
 meets the limitations of the
regulations
Use synonyms
. To summarise, the increase in
production
Use synonyms
 activity surely brings a negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on the
environment
Use synonyms
 but the involvement of the authority and good willingness of the businessmen can reduce the negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on the
environment
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and covers all aspects of the task. However, a clearer differentiation between paragraphs addressing the causes and those providing solutions would enhance coherence.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to support your points, which will make your arguments more persuasive and robust.
task achievement
Work on refining some of your sentences to make them more concise and clear. Avoid repetition like 'more and more' and try to use varied vocabulary.
introduction
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and gives a solid overview of the essay's focus.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph logically flows from one to the next, which helps the reader follow your argument easily.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant examples such as the situation in Jakarta, which supports your points well.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural resources
  • habitat destruction
  • biodiversity
  • waste generation
  • pollutants
  • fossil fuels
  • greenhouse gases
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • overconsumption
  • planned obsolescence
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • recycling
  • environmental regulations
  • incentives
  • ecological footprint
  • consumer awareness
  • eco-friendly
  • green technologies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: