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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2014.

#consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country
The line graph provides information about
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of fish and some different types of
meat
such
 as
chicken
, beef, and lamb in a country
that is
 located in Europe in a period range of 1979 and 2004.
Overall
, what stands out from the line chart is that the
only
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
consumption of
chicken
 rose considerably over
this
 twenty-five-year period,
however
, the other kinds of
meat
 suffered
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
.
Initionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
 in
1979
Add a comma
1979,
show examples
 the highest consumed
meat
 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chicken
 with about 220
grams
.
Then
, the
grams
 per person per week for the beef and lamb were nearly the same with about 145
grams
.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish was the lowest consumed
meat
 with roughly 55
grams
. Regarding the
cjanges
Correct your spelling
changes
 in 2004, the
statitistics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 showed that the lines were not the same as
lines
Correct article usage
the lines
show examples
 in 1979. The gap between
chicken
 and lamb had widened
iver
Correct your spelling
over
this
 time and the results were approximately 250 and 60, respectively.
Between
Change preposition
Among
show examples
 these kinds of
meat
 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beef with about 110
grams
 per person per week.
Finally
, fish remained
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lowest consumed
meat
 with
nearlyt
Correct your spelling
nearly
 50
grams
.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words meat, chicken, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
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