Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion .

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In the current world , individuals think that authorities should invest
tax-payer's
Change noun form
tax-payer
show examples
income to develop and fix the
healthcare
Use synonyms
sector ,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
disagree and suggest the utilization of
this
Linking Words
money in other areas . I personally believe that
healthcare
Use synonyms
enhancement is indispensable . So, huge investments should be established in order to provide the optimum prevention and treatment to the community . On one hand , those who are against the
government
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government's
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full funding for
healthcare
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instituation
Correct your spelling
institution
institutions
tackled other crucial concerns
such
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as climate change , transport and education . They suggested equal funding to each sector , and they claimed that because they are the ones who pay the taxes ; they have the right to decide how to divide them . Some added that people should pay for their
healthcare
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services and insurance companies can cover a wide range of the treatments offered .
Conversely
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, some
argued
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argue
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that
healthcare
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is the most important
fundemental
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fundamental
service to be provided and should be totally free.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all
tax-payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
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money should be managed to cover the fees . They suggested that government must invest
this
Linking Words
money in building new
healthcare
Use synonyms
centers
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centres
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, public health and awareness
instituations
Correct your spelling
institutions
. I think that if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
remained
Wrong verb form
remains
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healthy and
disease
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disease-free
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free
Correct word choice
apply
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there will
a
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be a
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better chance to improve other sectors that need financial support
as well as
Linking Words
human labor .
To sum up
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, a healthy society member can participate more
effeciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
to
emeliorate
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ameliorate
meliorate
his country ,
thus
Linking Words
; taking good care of the individual
weel-being
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well-being
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will definitely enhance the whole area .
Submitted by hindgadeem123 on

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task achievement
You have clearly addressed both points of view and provided your opinion clearly. However, it would be beneficial to develop your ideas further with more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from the overall clarity of your essay. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure can improve the readability of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow and cohesion of the essay. This can also help in better connecting your main points with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed and provide a clear framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of both perspectives, which is essential for a discussive essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a good structure in your essay, making it easy to follow your line of argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tax-payer’s money
  • Healthcare
  • Long-term costs
  • Productive workforce
  • Sick days
  • Equal access
  • Essential services
  • Sectors
  • Education
  • Infrastructure
  • Defense
  • Development
  • Security
  • Knowledgeable population
  • Innovation
  • Economic growth
  • Quality of life
  • Funding allocation
  • Comprehensive development
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