IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Investments from the
government
Use synonyms
 in visual arts are a waste of money,
instead
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 should direct
this
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 monetary aid to public services.
This
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 essay completely agrees with the statement because
art
Use synonyms
 centres do not require any
additonal
Correct your spelling
additional
 financial backing and other sectors require
this
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 more.
Use synonyms
Art
Correct article usage
The art
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 gallery's survival does not depend on the
government
Use synonyms
's capital assistance. They can be self-reliant
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if they manage their events well. Typically, the events hosted by them lack good awareness, which results in low public exposure. If they are managed by seasoned professionals, cash from the ticket bookings only would overshoot the breakeven point.
Therefore
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, they do not have to rely on the
government
Use synonyms
for bearing
Change preposition
to bear
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 the costs.
For example
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, Nandan's, a cultural club of Kolkata, annual
art
Use synonyms
 exhibition is so famous, that it recovers their entire year's operational cost within the first day.
As a result
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, they never had to request any investment from the state's finance minister.
Moreover
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,
this
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 investment can be better utilized by other important sectors like healthcare, that are always in need
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 capital to match the ever-changing
standarcs
Correct your spelling
standards
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern medical facilities. If the public hospitals and nursing homes get
this
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 additional money, they can hire more staff and improve their medical instruments, which in turn would benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and raise its health
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
For instance
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,
Delhi
Correct article usage
the Delhi
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government
Use synonyms
's budget allocation of an additional INR 1000 crore over the previous year in the state's medicine department has seen an improvement in the local health
centres
Change noun form
centres'
centre's
show examples
 ability to provide a
world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
show examples
 service to its patients. In conclusion,
although
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 governments investing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 galleries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 quite common, I believe it is a poor use of financial resources because these cultural centres can be self-reliant if they are well-managed, and other state departments like healthcare require
this
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 more to meet the changing medicine standards.

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introduction conclusion present
While the essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, consider strengthening the conclusion by summarizing the main points more distinctly.
clear comprehensive ideas
There were a few minor grammatical errors. For example, 'additonal' should be 'additional' and 'art gallery's' should be 'art galleries'. A more thorough proofreading would help eliminate these minor mistakes.
complete response
The essay directly addresses the task and provides a clear and comprehensive response to the statement.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with well-organized paragraphs and a good flow of ideas.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main points, which strengthens the argument.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Tourist attraction
  • Generates revenue
  • Mental well-being
  • Social cohesion
  • Societal development
  • Quality of life
  • Economic stability
  • Budget constraints
  • Unemployment services
  • Emergency response infrastructure
  • Balanced approach
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