IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people think dangerous sports should be banned. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #sports
It is often argued that people should be prohibited from engaging in
life
-threatening
sports
 or not.
This
 essay agrees that these
sports
 should be declared illegal because of the following reasons.
Firstly
, relying on these activities to make a living is not worth the
money
 which can be earned through these
sports
 and
second,
it is not a wise choice to pursue anything which puts a precious
life
 in danger.
To begin
 with, most people involved in dangerous
sports
 activity might argue that they can earn a good amount of
money
, and since they have performed it so many times, they are quite confident that it is safe for them.
However
, from my point of view, no matter how many times it has been practised, the risk of
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 a
life
 is the same each time.
Therefore
, even though these activities pay well in terms of
money
, it not worth
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 precious
life
 we have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
, any wise person who clearly understands the risk and return involved in these
sports
 would never recommend doing them. The reason for
that is
 we can try as many different alternatives as possible
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if we are alive to do so.
For example
, if a person is not earning enough, he/she can upskill and find better options.
Therefore
, doing
life
-threatening activities just with the sole purpose of being rich is foolish in my opinion.
To conclude
, many individuals choose to engage in dangerous
sports
 to earn a good amount of
money
,
however
,
life
 is more precious than any material thing out in the world, and it is totally irrational to do anything for a few dollars
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 chances of losing a
life
 are significantly high.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

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Language proficiency
Ensure a variety of complex structures and a wide range of vocabulary are consistently used.
Supporting details
Consider adding more concrete examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
Paraphrasing
Try practicing paraphrasing skills to make your introduction and conclusion more impactful while avoiding repetition.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear position throughout.
Coherence
The essay maintains logical flow and progression of ideas.
Examples
You have used relevant examples to support your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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