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Band 5.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #choices
some
people
 claim that in today's world, individuals have so many
choices
 to select between them. I completely agree with
this
 notion for several reasons which will be discussed in
this
 essay. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent decades, with the numerous developments in
thechnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 and widespread use of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,
people
 are more likely to be exposed to different opportunities.
For example
, in the past, students had to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their higher education
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 nearby universities in their own town.
In contrast
,
people
 now can gain information from any university all around the world by easily searching the web.
Thus
, nowadays we have more possibilities to consider in our decisions.
Furthermore
, liberty is one of the most important
concept
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concepts
show examples
 of
today
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today's
show examples
 societies. Previously,
people
,
specially
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especially
show examples
 ordinary citizens, did not have the freedom we have now to chase what they desire. As we
obtained
Wrong verb form
obtain
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 more freedom, the
choices
 we can make are now more extended.
For instance
,
Correct article usage
the femenism
show examples
femenism
Correct your spelling
feminism
feminist
 movement that has
introduced
Add a missing verb
been introduced
show examples
 in the past decades
,
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apply
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 created a more liberal
atmospher
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 for women to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their wishes.
Finally
, individuals do not restrict themselves nowadays. They tend to consider every possible way they have.
Therefore
, they don't omit
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 possible ways which can end them up with so many
choices
.
However
, having so many
choices
 can lead to difficult dilemmas,
people
 prefer to be stuck in these kinds of
situation
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situations
show examples
 because it gives
me
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 a sense of control over their lives. In conclusion, It is true that we have so many options to
select
Verb problem
choose
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between
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from
show examples
them
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apply
show examples
, as we have
a
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apply
show examples
full-time access to
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Moreover
, we make our decisions freely, compared to the past, and
at
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in
show examples
 the end,
restriction
Add an article
the restriction
a restriction
show examples
 is not acceptable
by
Change preposition
to
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people
 so they let themselves
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
consider all the
choices
 they have.
Submitted by ava.saljoughi on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, but you can further improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Trying to use more transitional phrases and linking words can help achieve this.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively and covered most aspects of the prompt. However, you can enhance your response by providing more detailed and specific examples that are directly relevant to your main points.
task achievement
Ensure that you manage your syntax and grammar to avoid minor mistakes such as ‘thechnology’ instead of ‘technology’. Careful proofreading can help you catch these errors.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your standpoint, and your conclusion effectively sums up the main points of your essay. This creates a strong impression.
task achievement
You have presented clear and comprehensive ideas, with relevant points that relate well to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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