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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities by youngest and oldest populations in the US in 2015.

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The chart compares the average
time
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 spent by the elderly and young generations in their spare
time
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 and physical
activities
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 daily in the US in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that both generations spend most of their
time
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 watching television.
While
Linking Words
 relaxing and thinking are the least
activities
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 done by the younger
generation
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, the oldest
generation
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tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to be less interested in sports
activities
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. The young people, 15-19 age group, spend nearly 2.5 hours in a
day
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to
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apply
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watching television.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they spent around one hour per
day
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 playing games.
Then
Linking Words
, they are likely to communicate approximately for 45
minutes
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 and do some exercises for around half
hour
Correct article usage
an hour
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in
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apply
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a
day
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they only read for about 10
minutes
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 and do relaxing
activities
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 for around 5
minutes
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 daily.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the older
generation
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, 75 years and older group, watch television nearly 4.5 hours per
day
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.
Then
Linking Words
, they spend
to read
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reading
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 for about one hour and
sosialize
Correct your spelling
socialize
 for around 40
minutes
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in
Change preposition
apply
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a
day
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.
This
Linking Words
generation
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 has a similar average
time
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 for relaxing and playing games, amounting to approximately thirty
minutes
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 daily. As they age, they do
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 physical
activities
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,
such
Linking Words
 as sports, spending only 10
minutes
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 in a
day
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, activities, generation, day, minutes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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