IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that ambition is essential for success. To what extent do you agree?

#people #ambition #success
Some argue that
one
's aspirations in life are important in order to be successful.
This
 essay partially agrees with
this
 statement. A person's
dream
 can motivate him,
however
, I believe that it needs a lot of hard work in order to achieve it.
To begin
 with,
one
's ambition can be a good motivation for people to succeed.
This
 can help them focus and align their steps towards achieving their goals.
That is
 to say, they will not suddenly give up despite the challenges that will come along the way.
For instance
, the
dream
 of the person who built the first computer was to make all the information available in
one
 machine. Despite the negative feedback he received from his colleagues, he stayed focused on his
dream
.
As a result
, humanity is now enjoying the greatest invention of all time.
Thus
,
one
 aspiration can contribute to the success of an individual.
In addition
 to that, hard work can lead to a successful life. A person needs to put in his time and effort in order to achieve his ambitions. It is not something that comes overnight. It needs consistent effort and most successful people have attested to
this
.
For example
, Michael Jordan's
dream
 was to be part of the NBA.
However
, he was deemed to be not good enough to play for his high school varsity team.
This
 became his motivation and he worked hard day and night.
As a result
, he is
one
 of the greatest basketball players of all time up to
this
 day.
Hence
,
this
 proves that working hard is important to be successful In conclusion, ambition is essential for a successful life,
however
, I believe that it should be backed up with hard work.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Your essay has a good structure, but delving deeper into your examples could make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to link your paragraphs more effectively by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement. Begin with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
Consider concluding your essay with a more assertive and reflective statement. A stronger concluding paragraph could enhance your argument by summarizing the key points and expressing a final, compelling insight.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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