IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that success means earning a lot of money. Others believe that success is defined by personal happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #success #money #happiness
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It is widely debated how
success
Use synonyms
 is clearly defined whether by earning a lot of
money
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 or by the
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
persons'
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happiness
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. I will discuss both the views and will give my opinion on the same.
To begin
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 with, in the contemporary era, people are acquiring knowledge,
learning
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and learning
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 new skillsets, to get a lucrative job for themselves.
Due to
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the
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apply
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globalisation
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globalisation,
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 they are fascinated by the concept of
latest
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the latest
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 fashion trends and
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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wants
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wants to
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adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
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 those in their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. They suppose attaining all the luxurious items and living
a like
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alike
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like
Remove the redundancy
apply
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a king size is a true meaning of
success
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. Everyone is being judged by their lifestyle, spending habits and bank balance. In developed countries, individuals are working around the clock to earn and spend on branded items to satisfy the definition of
success
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. Explaining
further
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, another school of thought belongs to people living in developing countries.
Although
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 the world is progressing,
but
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apply
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families in
the
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apply
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rural cities, measure
the
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their
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success
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 if the whole family is living under one roof and supporting each other. They are highly satisfied with their
low wage
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low-wage
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 incomes as long as they have set routines and
fix
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fixed
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 times to sit
down
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apply
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down with
family
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the family
a family
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 to have a meal together. Inner satisfaction and
happiness
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defines
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define
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success
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 for them. In my opinion,
success
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 is having enough
money
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 to sustain a peaceful life and satisfying our inner soul by being with our friends and family. We should maintain a balance between both
the
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apply
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factors to lead a happy life.
To conclude
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,
definition
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the definition
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 of
success
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 varies from person to person. On the one hand, people
defines
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define
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success
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 as making
lot
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a lot
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 of
money
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,
while
Linking Words
 on the flip side, personal
happiness
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 is defined as
a
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apply
show examples
success
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. I believe
success
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 is the median of both
the
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apply
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factors having sufficient
money
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 to survive and
sense
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a sense
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 of satisfaction is
the
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apply
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pure
happiness
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 which multiplies the meaning of
success
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.
Submitted by jyotikhera2712 on

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vocabulary
Try to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging.
paragraph structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is well-developed, providing more detailed examples or explanations as needed.
grammar
Correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence fluency for a more polished essay.
task accomplishment
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides a clear opinion.
organization
The structure of the essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
balance
The essay makes an effort to explain different perspectives on success, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial success
  • Personal happiness
  • Intrinsic measure
  • Contentment
  • Fulfillment
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Harmonious life
  • Career achievements
  • Social recognition
  • Subjective nature
What to do next:
Look at other essays: