IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that competition at work, at school and in in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

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Some people think that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Others believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
, at
school
Use synonyms
 and
daily
Change preposition
in daily
show examples
life
Add the comma(s)
life,
show examples
 is a good thing. In my view,
trying
Add the particle
trying to
show examples
 cooperate more can enable
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good
relationship
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
competiting
Correct your spelling
competing
 may trigger the maximum of a person’s capability. On the one hand, some people believe that cooperating more at
school
Use synonyms
, at
work
Use synonyms
, and in daily
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 can potentially lead to a good
relationship
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
relationship
Use synonyms
 may be beneficial to expand the network and have many friends. Networking is important since recently, getting
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 difficult without friends or seniors who know our
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
 and
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I think networking may not
work
Use synonyms
 if we do not have special expertise.
For example
Linking Words
, The Indonesia University Alumni Group,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has a good job vacancy channel, offers a risk evaluator that needs a risk expert certification.
This
Linking Words
 is originally a good opportunity, but it is limited only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 someone who is
expert
Correct article usage
an expert
show examples
 in that certain field.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others think that
competition
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
, at
school
Use synonyms
 and
daily
Change preposition
in daily
show examples
life
Add the comma(s)
life,
show examples
 is a good thing because can probably trigger the maximum potential ability of someone.
Competition
Use synonyms
 should not be perceived as a negative thing since a positive
competition
Use synonyms
 often
remains
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Clash of Champions, a reality show by The Ruang Guru Channel, exhibits an outstanding
competition
Use synonyms
 in
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 field between brilliant university students from some reputable universities.
This
Linking Words
 event triggers the pupils to explore their amazing
capability
Fix the agreement mistake
capabilities
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as memorizing a bunch of information and computing a difficult math question.
As a result
Linking Words
, the students get
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enormous exposure from their brilliant ability, and they may take some benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as special recruitments from some reputable companies and special offerings as brand ambassadors of the education platform. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
trying
Add the particle
trying to
show examples
 cooperate more can enable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
,
competiting
Correct your spelling
competing
 at
work
Use synonyms
, at
school
Use synonyms
 and
daily
Change preposition
in daily
show examples
 life may trigger the maximum of
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 capability. In my view, the latter viewpoint comes with more benefits.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, work on the smoothness of transitions between different points. Use clear and consistent organization throughout the essay to make it easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Try to refine the main points so they seamlessly connect to your conclusion.
task achievement
Delve deeper into your examples and explanations to strengthen your task response. Make sure each point is fully developed and thoroughly discussed.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in expressing your ideas. Avoid ambiguous statements and focus more on presenting your arguments comprehensively.
task achievement
You provided a balanced overview of both sides of the argument, which helps demonstrate a complete response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well defined, giving a clear framework to your essay.
task achievement
You included relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay's credibility and authenticity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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