IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

t's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both ideas by giving your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #talents #music #sport #child #sports #person #musician
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The history
Correct article usage
History
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 knows a lot of amazing extraordinary creators who were unbelievably talented.
On the other hand
 there
plenty
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are plenty
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people
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of people
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 who reach their fame with hard work and great mentoring.
This
 topic
are
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is
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 discussed by many
people
 In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I would like to write…. On the one hand, some children
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 born with incredible abilities which allow them to reach great
result
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results
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 in different
arias
Correct your spelling
areas
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. They may learn difficult
piece
Fix the agreement mistake
pieces
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 of music for a few hours or create an innovative and contemporary sculpture by themselves.
For example
, Van
Gouh
Correct your spelling
Gogh
 learned how to paint And created amazing pieces of art which even nowadays are treasures of
art
Add an article
the art
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 world and cost millions of dollars.
On the other hand
, most
of
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apply
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people
 are born with basic talents but incredible ambitions.
Thus
, there is no
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 way for them to reach their goals and reach the top.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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 these children tend to pull all-nighters, put
a
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in a
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lot of effort and work hard. Undoubtedly,
development
Correct article usage
the development
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necessary
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of necessary
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 skills demands long hours and takes much time.
For instance
, one of the most popular
actor
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actors
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, Tom Holland, was studying drama from
early
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an early
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 age and going to auditions from
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 of 5. He
reach
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reaches
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his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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fame only at 25 years old. I find
fascinating
Correct pronoun usage
it fascinating
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 that thing when a person has a gift but, unfortunately, not many
people
 owe natural talent. Even so, if a child has a desire to be known for something he or she can become world-known through hard work.
To sum up
, …
However
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However,
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people
 without natural talent should have
will
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the will
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 and determination to get
white
Correct article usage
the white
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 they want.
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task achievement
Your essay has a clear structure, but to achieve a higher band you need to work on a more compelling introduction and a more complete conclusion. Start your essay more thoughtfully and wrap it up more conclusively.
task achievement
There are several grammatical and typographical errors that take away from the clarity of your arguments. Proofreading your essay can help you spot and correct them easily.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide a balanced view in your discussion. You discuss both sides, but adding a bit more depth to each argument can make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant and on-topic, but they would benefit from further development. Give more details and examples to make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
Improve the linking of paragraphs and ideas. Use more linking words and phrases to show connections between your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, which help to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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