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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think they have the right to use as much fresh water as they want, while others believe the government should control the use of fresh water as it is a limited resource. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #right #water #government #control #resource
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In recent years, most
people
 have used fresh
water
 in their daily lives,
while
 some
people
 have not been allowed to access and resources of clean
water
 have been limited. Personally, I insist that everybody should an able to attend fresh
water
; support will be illustrated in the following paragraphs: First and foremost, citizens should be allowed a
quality
 of life. In many countries,
people
 need to pay tax on average with their income. They should have equality to
use
 standard facilities and have the right to access clean
water
. In my perspective, the government should improve the
quality
 of
water
 to be fresh and adequate for
people
 to
use
 in their lives and occupations.
For instance
, The Prachachon Party of Thailand has a policy to improve the
quality
 of
water
 in the countryside–leading to
people
 in remote areas being able to access fresh
water
.
On the other hand
, clearing
water
 is limited which affects the environment. In many areas, groundwater has been pulled for living and careering
such
 as consumption, agriculture, and others which affects biodiversity in forests–leading to dead and draining soil. In my opinion, the government should encourage innovations to find new opportunities for
water
.
For example
, Singapore is able to develop technology which changes seawater into cleaning
water
.
As a result
, when fresh
water
 is adequate for
people
 to
use
, they can reduce the need to
use
water
 under the land. As I mentioned, even though the resources of
water
 are adequate.
However
, everybody has the right to
use
 fresh
water
, which is an equality of humans.
Therefore
, the government should solve
this
 problem by improving the
quality
 of
water
 and developing technology to replace old resources.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and provides a clear opinion. However, some sentences are not completely clear, which makes it difficult to follow your argumentation at times. Try to elaborate on your main points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to organize your ideas logically. The transitions between your points should be smooth to enhance readability. You may benefit from using clearer topic sentences to guide your reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammar and vocabulary issues that can affect clarity. For example, ‘quality of life’ and ‘standard facilities’ phrases need to be used more effectively. Proofreading your work will help identify these issues.
task achievement
Your introduction sets the context well, and it is clear what your essay will discuss. This shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your points, such as the Prachachon Party in Thailand and the technology development in Singapore. This adds relevance and specificity to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion and summarize your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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