IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

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Nowadays,
zoos
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 have become a tourist scene in many cities, and
people
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 are attracted by watching and learning about those cute
animals
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. But in the meantime, whether
animals
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 in
zoos
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 or
nature
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 triggered arguments. Some
people
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 argue that it is convenient for citizens to explore
animals
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,
while
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 others are convinced that
animals
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 should stay in their original habitat. Personally, I completely agree with the letter's view. It is undeniable that
zoos
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 are an outstanding place to approach creatures with extremely close contact.
For example
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, many
zoos
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 provide feedstuff to visitors who can experience feeding
animals
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.
Moreover
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, visitors can learn about
animals
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 professionally by the tourist guide in
zoos
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 which enhances
people
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's understanding of creatures.
However
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, despite the
zoos
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 can protect endangered
animals
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, they still belong to
nature
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 at all events. There are several reasons why
animals
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 should inhabit
nature
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 rather than
zoos
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. On the one hand,
animals
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 have lost their freedom in
zoos
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, which is just like
people
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 in prison. They can not meet with their family and make decisions about the time for diet and sleep.
additionally
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, After staying in the cage for a long time ago, they gradually lose their inborn abilities
such
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 as hunting skills.
On the other hand
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, it costs a lot of area and funds to construct a zoo.
Therefore
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, the government has the responsibility to support many zoo institutions in many aspects.
This
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 contributes to distract authority from solving more tricky issues like global warming. In conclusion, I am convinced that keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 is a mistake, and it is beneficial to both sides when
animals
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 back to
nature
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.

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structure
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement. While your essay has a logical flow, diverse sentence types can add to its sophistication.
examples
Integrating direct examples from real life or studies could strengthen your argument. This approach adds credibility and supports your viewpoints more forcefully.
clarity
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to ensure clarity. For instance, 'the letter's view' might confuse readers about what you're referencing.
introduction
Your essay could benefit from a clearer stance in the introduction. Although you stated your position, reinforcing it with a brief rationale could make it more impactful.
balance
You've effectively provided a balanced view by examining both sides of the argument before stating your position.
conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly restates your viewpoint, reinforcing the central argument of your essay.
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