IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 that have been shut down and started in a country over the period of seven
years
Use synonyms
 from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that starting new
shops
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly declined
while
Linking Words
closure
Add an article
the closure
show examples
 of
stores
Use synonyms
 slightly decreased with a sharp drop over the
years
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the information given, approximately 6,500
shops
Use synonyms
 were closed in 2011 and it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
roughly 7,100 after two
years
Use synonyms
. In 2015,
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of closed
shops
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sharply decreased by about 500
shops
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, next year 5,100
stores
Use synonyms
 were shut down which is ten times more compared to
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 year.
Then
Linking Words
, it remained steady until 2018 when about 5,200 stopped to serve for customers.
By contrast
Linking Words
, around 8,500 new
shops
Use synonyms
 were opened in
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011 which was
peak
Add an article
the peak
a peak
show examples
 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 seven
years
Use synonyms
. After a year, amount of
new
Change the adjective
newly
show examples
 opened
stores
Use synonyms
 went down significantly by only 4,000 new
shops
Use synonyms
 were started.
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of
opening
Verb problem
apply
show examples
new
stores
Use synonyms
 saw its
secon
Correct your spelling
second
 peak in 2014 when 6,100
shops
Use synonyms
 were opened and steadily declined until 2018
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
opening
Add an article
the opening
show examples
 of only 3,000 new
stores
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by abdulboriysog17 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, years, stores with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: