Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

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Secondary school is a
one
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one-time
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time
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moment in
people
Use synonyms
's life, some
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
choose to do whatever they want. It could be
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
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on
art
Use synonyms
and
music
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or studying
science
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and social. Some
people
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argue that all
students
Use synonyms
must study
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
. But, I think they do not have to, as they have their own expertise
also
Linking Words
they do not have much
time
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in
Use synonyms
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
.
Students
Use synonyms
have their own expertise, some of them prefer to study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
science
Use synonyms
rather than
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
. The
students
Use synonyms
who like math or
science
Use synonyms
often do not like to learn
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
.
This
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is because the brain composition of each
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
is different. The
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
who prefer
science
Use synonyms
have left brains are bigger than the right ones.
Therefore
Linking Words
, forcing them to study subjects that they do not like will add more stress to them.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend who really
Correct subject-verb agreement
likes
show examples
like
Correct subject-verb agreement
likes
show examples
biology often
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avoids
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avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
, as he is not confident about his skill
Change preposition
in
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
it can make him
Wrong verb form
lose
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lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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his
time
Use synonyms
Change the verb form
exploring
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to explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
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more
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
biology. Talking about
time
Use synonyms
, learning
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
students
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to
cost
Verb problem
spend
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their
leissure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
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. After taking classes, they need to rest their brain by playing a game or anything.
Moreover
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, they
also
Linking Words
need to enjoy their
Use synonyms
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
life with their friends, as it can keep their mental health.
Additionally
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,
Use synonyms
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
students
Use synonyms
need to prepare
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
college selection
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
.
Therefore
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, prioritizing
time
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is a must.
For example
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, the morning and afternoon
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
for school,
evening
Add an article
the evening
show examples
is for friends, and
night
Correct article usage
the night
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is for hobbies. It can be
a
Remove the article
music
a piece of music
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music
Use synonyms
,
art
Use synonyms
or even
game
Correct article usage
a game
show examples
.
Thus
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, giving
freedoms
Fix the agreement mistake
freedom
show examples
to the
students
Use synonyms
is the best way. In conclusion, it is no problem to make
students
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choose their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
because each of them has their own expertise.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they do not have much
time
Use synonyms
in
Use synonyms
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is good for them
choosing
Wrong verb form
to choose
show examples
how they spend their
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ivannizar on

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grammatical accuracy
Try to proofread your essay to correct any small inaccuracies or grammatical mistakes. For example, 'studying science and social' can be improved to 'studying science and social studies.'
introduction conclusion
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your stance and summarising the main arguments you will present. This will help in setting the stage for the reader.
evidence support
While your reasoning is clear, try to provide more concrete examples or evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more compelling.
logical structure
You have provided a clear structure, with separate paragraphs for each point.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your main arguments, reinforcing your viewpoint.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster creativity
  • innovative thinking
  • emotional well-being
  • reduce stress
  • creative expression
  • cultural awareness
  • inclusive and diverse society
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • spatial-temporal reasoning
  • language development
  • career opportunities
  • creative industries
  • contributors to the economy
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