IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it's better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #methods #treatment #funds #education #culture
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No one can deny that some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
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 should provide free
health
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care
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 ,
while
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 others prefer to think that the
government
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 will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it's better to invest those funds in education and culture. It is important to admit that both views have their own
benefits
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the possible reasons that support each view, and what
benefits
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 they bring to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. On the one hand, the option to think that the
government
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 should provide free
health
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care
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 has its
benefits
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 for many convincing reasons. Most importantly, a
government
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 should always
care
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 for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
people
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. The perfect
example
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 to illustrate
this
Linking Words
 is, countries like
saudi arabia
Correct your spelling
Saudi Arabia
show examples
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 free
health
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care
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 for all
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 citizens and
this
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 lessens the worry for many citizens and makes them appreciate the
government
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 and
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 efforts. Another key reason is the
people
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 will
reaspect
Correct your spelling
respect
 the
government
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 more and many of the
people
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 will start giving back to the
government
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. A good
example
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 is in many countries that offer free
health
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care
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it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 citizens are less likely to break
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 rules as
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
government
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 supports them in many ways other than work opportunities.
Furthermore
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, it's
also
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 important to mention that the
retiered
Correct your spelling
retired
people
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 and elderly will have peace of mind knowing that the
government
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 supports their
health
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 and
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care
Correct subject-verb agreement
cares
show examples
 for it.
On the other hand
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, despite the above argument, other
people
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 choose to believe that the
government
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 will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment
has
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
well
show examples
its
Correct word choice
as its
show examples
 advantages for obvious reasons.
Firstly
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, you can't know if the
government
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 is fully invested in their
peoples
Change to a genitive case
people's
peoples'
show examples
health
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. A good interpretation of
this
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 is that if something is being offered for free
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
usally
Correct your spelling
usually
 tends not to be of the best quality.
Secondly
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, investing in education is a very good way for a
government
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 to support
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 future. The best
example
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 is
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
, china is very invested in
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 education and
this
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 proves to offer great
roi's
Change noun form
potential
show examples
 because
,
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apply
show examples
 the
people
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 of
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 tend to
achive
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achieve
 greatness at a young age and are quite disciplined.
Thirdly
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, you can't guarantee that free
health
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care
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 is innovative. The best
example
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 of
this
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 is,
private
Correct word choice
that private
show examples
health
Use synonyms
care
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 is almost always better than free
government
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health
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care
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 because they are making money enough to invest back in their business and free
health
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care
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 is basically spending money and not getting anything back. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both views have their own
benefits
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 I still strongly believe that offering free
health
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care
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 is so much better.
Submitted by almansouradel1 on

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task achievement
Try to be more consistent with the use of articles. For example, 'countries like Saudi Arabia' should be 'countries like Saudi Arabia' without 'the'.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases like 'it's government' by using pronouns or rephrasing. This will make your writing less redundant.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph introduces only one main idea and that this idea is supported with clear, relevant details.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
Examples from countries like Saudi Arabia and China effectively illustrate the points being discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fundamental human right
  • Accessibility
  • Equality
  • Health services
  • Medical bankruptcy
  • Innovative treatments
  • Stifle innovation
  • Allocate
  • Enlightened society
  • Well-rounded society
What to do next:
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