IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it's better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #methods #treatment #funds #education #culture
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No one can deny that some
people
 believe that the
government
 should provide free
health
care
 ,
while
 others prefer to think that the
government
 will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it's better to invest those funds in education and culture. It is important to admit that both views have their own
benefits
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the possible reasons that support each view, and what
benefits
 they bring to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. On the one hand, the option to think that the
government
 should provide free
health
care
 has its
benefits
 for many convincing reasons. Most importantly, a
government
 should always
care
 for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
people
. The perfect
example
 to illustrate
this
 is, countries like
saudi arabia
Correct your spelling
Saudi Arabia
show examples
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 free
health
care
 for all
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 citizens and
this
 lessens the worry for many citizens and makes them appreciate the
government
 and
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 efforts. Another key reason is the
people
 will
reaspect
Correct your spelling
respect
 the
government
 more and many of the
people
 will start giving back to the
government
. A good
example
 is in many countries that offer free
health
care
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 citizens are less likely to break
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 rules as
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
government
 supports them in many ways other than work opportunities.
Furthermore
, it's
also
 important to mention that the
retiered
Correct your spelling
retired
people
 and elderly will have peace of mind knowing that the
government
 supports their
health
 and
care
Correct subject-verb agreement
cares
show examples
 for it.
On the other hand
, despite the above argument, other
people
 choose to believe that the
government
 will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment
has
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
also
Rephrase
well
show examples
its
Correct word choice
as its
show examples
 advantages for obvious reasons.
Firstly
, you can't know if the
government
 is fully invested in their
peoples
Change to a genitive case
people's
peoples'
show examples
health
. A good interpretation of
this
 is that if something is being offered for free
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
usally
Correct your spelling
usually
 tends not to be of the best quality.
Secondly
, investing in education is a very good way for a
government
 to support
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 future. The best
example
 is
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
, china is very invested in
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 education and
this
 proves to offer great
roi's
Change noun form
potential
show examples
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
people
 of
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 tend to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 greatness at a young age and are quite disciplined.
Thirdly
, you can't guarantee that free
health
care
 is innovative. The best
example
 of
this
 is,
private
Correct word choice
that private
show examples
health
care
 is almost always better than free
government
health
care
 because they are making money enough to invest back in their business and free
health
care
 is basically spending money and not getting anything back. In conclusion,
although
 both views have their own
benefits
 I still strongly believe that offering free
health
care
 is so much better.
Submitted by almansouradel1 on

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task achievement
Try to be more consistent with the use of articles. For example, 'countries like Saudi Arabia' should be 'countries like Saudi Arabia' without 'the'.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases like 'it's government' by using pronouns or rephrasing. This will make your writing less redundant.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph introduces only one main idea and that this idea is supported with clear, relevant details.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
Examples from countries like Saudi Arabia and China effectively illustrate the points being discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fundamental human right
  • Accessibility
  • Equality
  • Health services
  • Medical bankruptcy
  • Innovative treatments
  • Stifle innovation
  • Allocate
  • Enlightened society
  • Well-rounded society
What to do next:
Look at other essays: