IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that governements should take a large proportion of people’s salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools .Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many individuals argue the state should take a large amount of public income, for the sake of different developments in society.
On the other hand
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, numerous
people
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 think that the burden of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large numbers of
taxes
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 has many drawbacks . In my point of view, the drawbacks of taking
taxes
Use synonyms
 outweigh their benefits and I will provide relevant arguments related to my claim in the given paragraph. To commence with, those countries who have experienced administrative authorities and the ratio of poverty is low, should take
taxes
Use synonyms
 from their
people
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.
Furthermore
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, the Government should utilize money for the betterment of their future.
For instance
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, there are several reports which have been published that say that America take 10 per cent of
people
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's salaries and utility
people
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's money on the construction of roads and building schools.
Furthermore
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, the state constructed hospitals with modern technologies.
On the other hand
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, in countries where
people
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 are not rich and the state puts
taxes
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 on
people
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, becomes very difficult for their citizens to live .
Moreover
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,In these conditions, the pace of development of the country becomes very low.
For instance
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,in
acountry
Correct your spelling
a country
 like Pakistan where the ratio of poor
people
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 is more than rich
people
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.
According to
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 different reports, 60 per cent of
people
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 are poor and they don't have any assets to live life without hurdles.
As a result
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, Pakistan is the lowest country in terms of growth.
To sum up
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, Governments where the ratio of poor
people
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 is low and good governance should take
taxes
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 but it has more drawbacks than benefits. I think there should not be any burden on the
people
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 and they should live their life freely.

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task response
To improve your task response, ensure that you fully address both views equally and provide a more balanced discussion. You briefly describe both sides, but the reasoning and examples for each point could be more detailed.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow of your arguments. While your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, the connections between some ideas can be made smoother. Ensure each paragraph transitions seamlessly to the next.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your arguments logically.
supported main points
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments and shows your understanding of the topic.
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