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Band 4.5

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?

#nations #countries #relief #disasters
It is often said that rich
countries
 have the responsibility of helping low-income
countries
 during natural
disasters
.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement as they are capable and they have the duty of protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity.
Firstly
, rich
countries
 have the financial potential to help needy
countries
. They can provide emergency food boxes, shelters and other necessary items to poor
countries
.
In addition
, they can send healthcare workers and other humanitarian
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 to help the
countries
 that are affected by natural
disasters
. It will result in
enhanced
Correct article usage
an enhanced
show examples
 relationship between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries
.
Moreover
, in the future, poor
countries
also
 may do something useful in return, to rich
countries
.
For example
, recently, Sri Lanka
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sent two elephants to Thailand as a return gift for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 help received during
Tsunami
Correct article usage
the Tsunami
show examples
.
Secondly
, every country in the world has the moral responsibility of protecting other
countries
. All
countries
 depend on each other in
someway
Correct your spelling
some way
show examples
, or the other.
Therefore
, the destruction of one country certainly will affect the other country.
For example
, western
countries
 rely on
middle-east
Correct word choice
Middle Eastern
show examples
countries
 for fuel. Natural
disasters
 which affect those
countries
 will affect
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
countries
 indirectly. Abandoning poor
countries
 when they are in need will lead to the disappearance of them from the earth and if
this
 continues, there will be no
countries
 on the earth. In conclusion,
countries
 with good financial status should provide their hands to developing nations when they suffer
due to
 non-manmade
disasters
.
Submitted by gowsht on

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task achievement
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, consider elaborating more on your main points and offering additional specific examples to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and the ideas flow logically. However, you could use more linking words and phrases to enhance the overall cohesion of your essay. This would help to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion and clearly states your stance.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the one involving Sri Lanka and Thailand, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument.
coherence cohesion
Overall organization and logical structure of your essay are commendable, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Humanitarian relief
  • Infrastructure
  • Global solidarity
  • Disproportionately
  • External assistance
  • Rebuilding efforts
  • Disaster response
  • Investment in stability
  • Dependency theory
  • Responsible intervention
  • Paternalistic
  • Shared humanity
  • Sovereignty
  • Capabilities
  • Fatality rates
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