IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters. Do you agree oe disagree?

#nations #countries #relief #disasters #oe
It is often said that rich
countries
 have the responsibility of helping low-income
countries
 during natural
disasters
.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement as they are capable and they have the duty of protecting humanity.
Firstly
, rich
countries
 have the financial potential to help needy
countries
. They can provide emergency food boxes, shelters and other necessary items to poor
countries
.
In addition
, they can send healthcare workers and other humanitarian staff to help the
countries
 that are affected by natural
disasters
. It will result in an enhanced relationship between the two
countries
.
Moreover
, in the future, poor
countries
also
 may do something useful in return, to rich
countries
.
For example
, recently, Sri Lanka sent two elephants to Thailand as a return gift for the help received during the Tsunami.
Secondly
, every country in the world has the moral responsibility of protecting other
countries
. All
countries
 depend on each other in some way
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or the other.
Therefore
, the destruction of one country certainly will affect the other country.
For example
, western
countries
 rely on Middle Eastern
countries
 for fuel. Natural
disasters
 which affect those
countries
 will affect Western
countries
 indirectly. Abandoning poor
countries
 when they are in need will lead to the disappearance of them from the earth and if
this
 continues, there will be no
countries
 on the earth. In conclusion,
countries
 with good financial status should provide their hands to developing nations when they suffer
due to
 non-manmade
disasters
.
Submitted by gowsht on

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch small grammatical inaccuracies (e.g. 'on each other in some way, or the other' should be 'on each other in some way or another').
development
Although the essay makes several strong points, it would be beneficial to further develop each paragraph with more detailed examples and explanations. This will enhance the depth of your arguments.
clarity
Improve the clarity of the second main idea by clearly stating the connection between moral responsibility and global interdependence. This will make your argument more compelling.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the writer's position and outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
examples
Examples used in the essay are relevant and effectively illustrate the points being made, such as the example of Sri Lanka and Thailand.
conclusion
The essay ends with a strong conclusion that reiterates the writer's stance and summarizes the main arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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