IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people fail in school, but end upp being succesfull in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

#people #school #upp #succesfull #life #case
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Education is substantial in our
life
Use synonyms
, some may be able to pursue it
while
Linking Words
 some may not. But, for some
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 education is not a hindrance for them to be successful in
life
Use synonyms
 as they have the capacity and determined to do whatever they want to
achieved
Change the verb
achieve
show examples
 in
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,I will discuss why some people succeed in
life
Use synonyms
 even if they fail in
school
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, not all people who fail at
school
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not intelligent enough to finish their studies, but there were circumstances that
arise
Wrong verb form
arose
show examples
 during the time they were in
school
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, as a teacher in
profession
Add an article
the profession
show examples
,I have encountered lots of students who were unable to finish their studies because they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 dumbed or failed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their course,but rather they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 other problems
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 and financial
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 that resulted
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 not
finished
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
 their
school
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,it is already proven that
someof
Correct your spelling
some of
 the richest man in the world didn't
finished
Change the verb form
finish
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 but became one of the
successful
Correct quantifier usage
most successful
show examples
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
show examples
 we can look at.
For instance
Linking Words
, Manny Villar who is one of the richest
man
Change to a plural noun
men
show examples
 in the Philippines didn't finish
school
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 poverty,but with his determination and
persistence
Add a comma
persistence,
show examples
 he was able to succeed in
life
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, even without a
diploma
Add a comma
diploma,
show examples
 he can earn through schooling, he was able to learn through his experiences. In conclusion, being successful in
life
Use synonyms
 does not mean you have to finish your
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
,but with determination and
perseverance
Add a comma
perseverance,
show examples
 you will be able to reach your dream.
Submitted by rodadoctor2 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that is directly related to the main argument. Additionally, avoid run-on sentences and work on punctuating your sentences accurately to make your essay easier to read.
task achievement
When discussing examples, try to elaborate on how those examples directly relate to your main argument. This will help to strengthen your points and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is effective in organizing your ideas and arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning Manny Villar to illustrate how someone can succeed despite not finishing school. This makes your arguments more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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