You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In recent times, educational institutions have provided their
students
variety of processed
foods
and sweetened drinks for them to buy in order to get a high profit.
This
essay believes that the development of
this
activity will have a negative impact on
students
' health, and will raise their
parents
' financial problems.
To begin
with,
school
is the place for every pupil to learn and develop skills for their future.
This
means
school
plays an important role in guiding their
students
in life. Selling unhealthy
foods
and drinks to them simply because of money will vanish the image of
school
as a moral institution.
This
will
also
lead to children having health issues
such
as obesity and weakened immune systems.
For instance
, many canteens in public schools sell high prices of unhealthy
foods
such
as french fries and burgers to the
students
in order to get more money.
In addition
,
this
issue will
also
give
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
burden to the
parents
if their kids end up being hospitalized
due to
the illness that was caused by dirty
foods
in the
school
canteen. Many families with lower economic status will have to go through the hardships of paying the hospital bill. To illustrate, a lot of
parents
who work as a farmer still have hospital debts for their children's illnesses. In conclusion, I believe that the
school
is wrong to manipulate their
students
to buy unhealthy
foods
and sugary drinks for their own benefit.
This
practice needs to be stopped because it will affect the student's health and cause financial problems for their
parents
.
Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on

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task achievement
Strengthen the examples to provide more concrete evidence supporting the main points. Specific statistics or studies could be mentioned to reinforce arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the connection between paragraphs with more transition phrases and logical bridges. While the essay flows reasonably well, some transitions can feel abrupt.
task achievement
Clear and concise argument; the essay's stance on the topic is well-articulated throughout.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with an effective introduction and conclusion that reiterate the main points.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically organized and adequately supported with relevant arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutritional value
  • dietary habits
  • obesity epidemic
  • long-term health
  • balanced diet
  • short-sighted decision
  • well-being
  • academic performance
  • healthcare costs
  • fundraising alternatives
  • peer influence
  • role models
  • public health
  • profit margin
  • dietary education
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