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Band 7

It is a good idea for people to continue working in an old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

#idea #people #age
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In recent
years
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, the concept of raising the retirement age has become familiar to some individuals, especially those living in developed countries. Some
people
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 argue that the extension of the retirement age has some positive effects and I agree with them. One main reason in favour of
this
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 view is that working more
years
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 is beneficial for older
people
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’s mental health.
This
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 is because continuing to
work
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 means they still need to analyse and solve problems and even communicate and discuss issues with colleagues.
However
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, if they retire, engaging in passive activities,
such
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 as watching TV and surfing the internet, will become their daily routine. These activities require less thinking and
thus
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 lead to senile dementia easily.
Besides
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, extending retirement
years
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 is conducive to reducing financial burdens on the government. If ageing
people
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work
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 two or three
years
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 more, the government can impose more taxes and allocate fewer pensions, which means they have more tax revenue and can distribute it to other important sectors,
such
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 as infrastructure and education.
In addition
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,
this
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 trend has some positive and profound effects on improving productivity. More experience accumulated by senior
people
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 in their
work
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 can be passed to the next generation in a shorter time.
In other words
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, young
people
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 would need to spend more time studying without guidance from these mature
people
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. The more experience they have, the more creative they will be and the higher productivity society will have. In conclusion, I agree with the view that it is good for
people
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 over 60 to continue to
work
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due to
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 the importance of their mental health,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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less financial burden for governments and growing productivity.
However
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, it is noticeable that the working time and stress should be shortened appropriately
according to
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 their specific conditions.
Submitted by 1378468145 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or case studies to further substantiate your arguments. This will make your essay even more compelling and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Although your essay is coherent, working on the flow can elevate your writing to the next level.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-structured format, with a strong introduction and conclusion that reinforce the main points.
task achievement
You have comprehensively addressed the task, providing relevant ideas and arguments that support your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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