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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows that salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparisons where relevant.

The charts below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows that salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparisons where relevant.
#anthropology #graduates #university #course #salaries #anthropologists #work #five #years #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 about
destination
Add an article
the destination
show examples
 of
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 anthropology after finishing
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 course from
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 tables charts illustrating the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of salaries after 5 years
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
 categorized by type of employment.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduated
Add an article
the graduated
show examples
anthropology
Change preposition
in anthropology
show examples
choosed
Correct your spelling
chose
show examples
 full-time
work
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 part-time
work
Use synonyms
 with
post graduated
Add a hyphen
post-graduated
show examples
study
Use synonyms
 was the least popular.
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
 sector had the highest
paying
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 rate among other types after 5
year's
Change preposition
year of
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
pie
Add an article
the pie
a pie
show examples
 chart,
Full time
Add a hyphen
Full-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 dominated others with 52%, followed by
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 with 15% and unemployed with 12%, respectively. Full-time
postgraduated
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
study
Use synonyms
 and part-time
work
Use synonyms
 with
postgraduated
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
study
Use synonyms
 are the least
interested
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
, accounting for 8% and 5%, respectively. Looking at the table chart, private companies offered a lower
paid
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 at 25,000-49,999 dollars with 10%, which was the largest share,
while
Linking Words
 had only 30% for
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
payment
Use synonyms
 at over 100,000
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Goverment
show examples
Goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 sector showed
Correct article usage
a relative
show examples
relative
Change the word
relatively
show examples
 high
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 with 50% in
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 at over 100,000
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
. Meanwhile, Freelance consultants had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 75,000-99,999 dollars
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 with 40%. In summary,
full-time
Correct article usage
a full-time
show examples
 job was the most popular for graduated anthropology.
However
Linking Words
, part-time
work
Use synonyms
 with
postgraduated
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
study
Use synonyms
 was
choosed
Correct your spelling
chosen
show examples
 by the smallest number.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 sector had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
high
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
payment
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In
comparsion
Correct your spelling
comparison
, private companies provided lower
paying
Replace the word
pay
show examples
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 for employment.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, work, study, payment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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