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Band 3.5

Despite the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#advances #agriculture #people #world #case
-In the first place Spacy green areas could manipulate our future, most of the agricultural
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 have a strong economy- as Egypt in the past-, even
thought
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though
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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there is a significant improvement in agricultural methods ,still
huge
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a huge
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 amount of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 are in massive hanger and poverty ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will peruse to explain why
this
 problem
is exist
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exists
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 and how we can solve it? -
At
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In
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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beginning
Add a comma
beginning,
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 I would like to
sure
Add a missing verb
be sure
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 up that the Domination of great
countries
on
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in
show examples
 nutrition
resources
 is the most important reason , as they forced the poor
countries
 to Limit
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
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 areas and plant their ground
according to
 the regulations of the great
countries
,
therefore
 the Obligation on poor
countries
 in what they plant and what they export to take their natural
resources
 ,
besides
 Un collaboration between
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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countries
 , many of
countries
 refuse to help the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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countries
 excusing with her weak economy and rare food
resources
 -
According to
above
Correct article usage
the above
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, the solution could be in
redistribution
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the redistribution
a redistribution
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 of nutrition
resources
,
moreover
, giving extend assistance to poor
countries
,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
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 Control the demonstrations of great
countries
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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immense international interference, to save the poor
countries
’ rights. -
Finally
, we noticed that
although
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despite
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 the recent agricultural improvement, there are a
giant
Correct word choice
large
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 number of people are
in
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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massive
hunger
Replace the word
hungry
show examples
, despite the solution still in our hands by helping
neighbor
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbors
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 centuries and increase the spaces of green areas . -
Submitted by Mido  on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer logical structure. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically to the next.
task achievement
Your main points need to be supported with specific examples and explanations.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is somewhat unclear and should clearly outline the main points you will be discussing.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are some inaccuracies and awkward constructions in your language. Aim for clearer and more precise sentences.
complete response
Avoid common grammar mistakes and ensure correct punctuation throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both the reasons for the problem and potential solutions, which is good for task response.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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