In some countries, many parents teach their kids that everything can be achieved if they work try enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some countries, many parents teach their kids that everything can be achieved if they work try enough. In
this
essay, both
of
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apply
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the positive and negative consequences will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.
To begin
with, there are many advantages
from
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to
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this
message. A
responsibility
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responsible
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and hardworking personality are the main key benefits, as they can serve as a growth mindset for individual development in both career and personal life.
For example
, if children
keen
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are keen
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to get a higher score,
this
mindset could help them
learning
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learn
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by themselves, resulting in higher
grade
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grades
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in school.
Additionally
, in their future life, reaching a higher
salaries
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salary
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position in their workplace
require
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requires
show examples
a lot of
responsibility
and effort which could be
advantage
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an advantage
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if they can learn
this
from
early
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an early
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age. Another benefit is self-rewarding, achieving
goal
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the goal
a goal
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by putting
strong
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in strong
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effort offers
self-fulfillment
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self-fulfilment
show examples
, leading to a positive learning process for children and becoming a valuable lesson.
In
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On
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the other hand, there are some negative consequences associated with
this
notion, teaching offspring that anything can be owned or achieved without proper guidance can be harmful
for
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to
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themselves
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them
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because many things cannot be afforded by just trying hard.
For instance
, some luxury
car
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cars
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can be a dream item for
low income
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low-income
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family
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families
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without realizing a reality or
owned
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owning
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situation will bring some disappointment, leading to serious
metal
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mental
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health like low-self esteem and depression and even
a
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apply
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financial failure
form
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from
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spending money on unnecessary
thing
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things
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. In conclusion,
this
teaching message from parents provides several advantages for their children
such
as
responsibility
, growth mindset, hardworking personality and self-rewarding.
However
,
this
can bring some drawbacks including misleading, low self-esteem and depression.
Therefore
, parents should take
a
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apply
show examples
responsibility
for proper guidance to minimize the side effects.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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grammar
Ensure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors such as 'work try enough' should be 'work hard enough'. Such errors can affect the readability of the text.
examples
Provide specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. While the essay includes relevant examples, more diversity and specificity could improve the overall quality.
clarity
Clarify and refine complex sentences to make your ideas more accessible. Some sentences are long and may confuse the reader.
coherence
Consider using introductory phrases to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Improved transition can aid in the overall coherence and the flow of ideas.
balanced argument
The essay provides a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of the stated message, which demonstrates critical thinking.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively state the context and summary of the argument.
insightful content
The essay embodies a thoughtful perspective on how this advice can impact various aspects of a child's life, which is well-elaborated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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