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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
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‏ The data illustrates the figure of inquiries
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
show examples
 been asked to
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
 information office from
January
Use synonyms
 to
June
Use synonyms
 span in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
January
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
person inquiries
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest in all three ways,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 it's significantly rose to be the highest in
June
Use synonyms
, the period from
march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
 to
June
Use synonyms
 was full of fluctuation.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 people
send
Wrong verb form
sending
show examples
 letters/
email
Fix the agreement mistake
emails
show examples
 to
inquiry
Fix the agreement mistake
inquiries
show examples
 became the lowest way in
June
Use synonyms
.
In person
Add a hyphen
In-person
show examples
 and
by telephone
Add a hyphen
by-telephone
show examples
 inquiries all increased speedily by months,
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
 inquiry was just over 400 in
January
Use synonyms
 and by the months it dramatically increased to be the highest with approximately 1900, bye telephone inquiry was that 1st of the three in
January
Use synonyms
 and it upsurged hurriedly to be the 2nd in
June
Use synonyms
 with around 1600. Whilst, by letter/email
inquirty
Correct your spelling
inquiry
 was just below 800 in
January
Use synonyms
 but suddenly it decreased to be just below 400 in
June
Use synonyms
 and
that's make
Change the verb form
that makes
show examples
 it the lowest in general.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words january, june with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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