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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

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In the modern era, several individuals believe that technological advancements have brought
people
Use synonyms
 closer to each other;
however
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, others argue that it has created friction among them.
While
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this
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 development helped the masses connect across the borders, it shortened the quality of
time
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 spent with family members.
This
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 essay discusses both views and my opinion
at the end
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. Nowadays, various mobile applications express viewpoints on various issues and connect
people
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 with similar interests.
For instance
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, Reddit, a social platform allows users to discuss their opinions on different current topics and chat with others having the same beliefs, accounting for more than 1.2 million daily active users. In
this
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 way, numerous individuals spend a large proportion of their
time
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 on
such
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 apps they like to chat with the person having the same thinking on a topic.
Therefore
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, more and more
people
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 tend to feel connected and spend their
time
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 interacting on these apps.
Although
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 it created a sense of online connectivity, it reduced the quality of
time
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 spent with family members.
For example
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, a study shows that a person spends 4 hours more on mobile phones than having interaction with parents, wife, or children every day.
People
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 are interested in virtual interactions creating a gap in close relationships.
Thus
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, it creates
a
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apply
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friction among close
releatives
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relatives
relative
.
To conclude
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, technological developments have helped increase connectivity among
people
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 and, at the same
time
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 created a rift among families around the globe. In my opinion, the current use of technological innovations has greater drawbacks than its benefits.
People
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 should limit the use of these and start having longer productive conversations face to face with their close relatives.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are well-balanced. The essay could benefit from a slightly stronger defense of both viewpoints before concluding with your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to improve clarity and interest.
task achievement
Make sure your arguments are fully developed and supported with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of phrases. For instance, 'various mobile applications express viewpoints on various issues' can be more clearly expressed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your viewpoints.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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