IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Disagree

#governments #money #railways #roads
In the contemporary epoch, some individuals believe the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government expenditure should be spent on
railways
 rather than
roads
. I wholeheartedly agree with the mentioned statement. In the following, my standpoints about
this
 issue are elaborated. On the one hand, the development of
railways
 has a significant effect on the reduction of the volume of traffic in cities.
Due to
 the
more
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
 utilization of
railways
, a few
people
 utilize cars for their transportation and, obviously, the traffic volume has witnessed a dramatic decrease.
Hence
,
this
 issue leads to the betterment
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the environmental circumstances.
In addition
,
people
 do not encounter air pollution as they face before
this
 modification.
Overall
,
people
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not hurt, because of some diseases that are inextricably intertwined with the situation of weather,
such
 as heart attack, cancer,
flue
Correct your spelling
flu
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, etc.
Moreover
, the advancement of
railways
Fix the agreement mistake
railway
show examples
 systems
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
the amount of time that
people
 save in their lives. Owing to
high
Add an article
the high
a high
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 speed of
railways
 and not
stuck
Add a missing verb
being stuck
show examples
 in traffic congestion, members of society can achieve
to
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apply
show examples
their destinations as soon as possible.
In contrast
, the betterment of
roads
 in some very small cities
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more effective than the improvement of
Correct article usage
the railways
show examples
railways
Fix the agreement mistake
railway
show examples
 system.
However
, clearly,
this
 is not a good solution for most of
cities
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the cities
show examples
 that
located
Add a missing verb
are located
show examples
 in
this
 world.
Thus
, as the mentioned reasons, in my opinion,
although
 investing money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the enhancement of
roads
 has some advantages,
this
 budget can be dedicated to the other sectors of society. Government should spend more money on
railways
,
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apply
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 because it can be more efficient than
roads
 and has more benefits compared to the other highlighted items.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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task achievement
While your essay introduces various points supporting the investment in railways over roads, it's important to present more balanced arguments. Acknowledge the counterarguments more thoroughly to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on the smooth transition between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next. Usage of linking phrases and cohesive devices will enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Use specific and varied examples to support your main points. Concrete examples can significantly strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive and engaging for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an evident introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively articulate your position on the topic and provide justifications for your viewpoint. The arguments presented are logical and relevant to the essay prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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