IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people belieye lhol reoding sfories from E book ls befier lhon wolching fV or ploying compuler gomes for children. To what exlenf do You ogtee ot disogree?

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In
this
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 contemporary era,
Vital
Correct article usage
a Vital
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 role is played
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
in
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 education. Some individuals opine that reading stories with the aid of
an
Correct article usage
the
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 internet is better as compared to watching TV or playing online games
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that reading
E-
Add a hyphen
E-books
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books
Use synonyms
offers
Change the verb form
offer
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 more advantages rather than playing games or watching shows. The prominent benefit of reading
E
Add a hyphen
E-books
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books
Use synonyms
 is that
children
Use synonyms
 not only broaden the horizon of their knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 develop their attention towards the reading. To explain, reading online
books
Use synonyms
 is the best way where
children
Use synonyms
 can learn different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of stories,
such
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 as religious,
motivated
Replace the word
motivational
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 and other knowledgable stories which assist them to attach with their culture.
For example
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, In past years,
children
Use synonyms
 gave more attention towards studying as they did not have their own phones compared to these days.
Furthermore
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, It will reduce the usage of
papper
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Papper
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beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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doing
online
Add an article
the online
an online
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 reading is
great
Add an article
a great
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 method. If
children
Use synonyms
 prefer to use paper, it will
put
Verb problem
have
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 an adverse impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 that leads
too
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to too
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 many problems which will not
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
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 for the whole world.
However
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, spending too much time before a computer screen or watching TV can lead
numerous
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to numerous
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 health diseases,
such
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 as obesity, eyesight and other problems. For explain,
Todays
Correct your spelling
in today's
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 world,
children
Use synonyms
 can
be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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by
Change preposition
from
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 an ample of diseases
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 they have their own phones,
due to
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this
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, a lot of time
spent
Add a missing verb
is spent
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in front of
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
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 or
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
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 which
would
Verb problem
is
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 not fruitful for their future
as well as
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 present life. In conclusion, I believe that reading
e
Add a hyphen
e-books
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books
Use synonyms
 is better than playing computer games or watching TV as
children
Use synonyms
 can enhance their level of knowledge and help to save
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 environment.

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task achievement
Focus on addressing both sides of the argument to provide a more balanced response. You have predominantly covered the benefits of e-books but you should also delve deeper into the potential disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly structured with a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. This will help in making the logical progression of your ideas clearer.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. For instance, you mentioned that reading e-books is beneficial for children's knowledge, but concrete examples would make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on your paragraph transitions to ensure that each idea flows smoothly into the next. This would enhance the cohesiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The writer attempts to provide reasons and examples to support their viewpoints. This demonstrates a good effort towards task achievement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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