. Some people belieye lhol reoding sfories from o book ls befier lhon wolching fV or ploying compuler gomes for children. fo whot exlenf do You ogtee ot disogree?

#people #belieye #lhol #sfories #book #ls #befier #lhon #fv #compuler #gomes #children #fo #whot #exlenf #ogtee #ot #disogree

this

contemporary era, a Vital role is played in education. Some individuals opine that reading stories with the aid of the internet is better as compared to watching TV or playing online games with

children

. I believe that reading

E-booksbooks

Correct your spelling

E-books

offer

Correct subject-verb agreement

offers

show examples

more advantages rather than playing games or watching shows. The prominent benefit of reading E-booksbooks is that

children

not only broaden the horizon of their knowledge

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

develop their attention towards the reading. To explain, reading online books is the best way where

children

can learn different types of stories,

such

as religious, motivational and other knowledgable stories which assist them to attach with their culture.

For example

, In past years,

children

gave more attention towards studying as they did not have their own phones compared to these days.

Furthermore

, It will reduce the usage of Papper because doing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

online reading is a great method. If

children

prefer to use paper, it will have an adverse impact on the environment that leads to too many problems which will not be beneficial for the whole world.

However

, spending too much time before a computer screen or watching TV can lead to numerous health diseases,

such

as obesity, eyesight and other problems. For explain, in today's world,

children

can suffer from an ample of diseases because they have their own phones,

due to

this

, a lot of time is spent in front of a computer or phone which is not fruitful for their future

as well as

present life. In conclusion, I believe that reading

e-booksbooks

Correct your spelling

e-books

is better than playing computer games or watching TV as

children

can enhance their level of knowledge and help to save the environment.

Submitted by kaurgillrajveer29l on Sun Sep 22 2024

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task achievement

Overall, your response addresses the task well and your argument is clear. However, aim to use a more varied vocabulary and refine your grammar a bit to enhance clarity. For example, the term 'E-booksbooks' seems to be a typo and should be corrected to just 'E-books'.

coherence cohesion

Be cautious with grammar and spelling errors as they can disrupt the flow of your writing. For example, in the first paragraph, 'E-booksbooks’ should be 'E-books'. Additionally, correct phrases like 'broad the horizon' to 'broaden the horizon' and 'attach with their culture' to 'connect with their culture'.

introduction conclusion

You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in setting the context and summarizing your viewpoint effectively.

supported main points

Your essay includes several examples and explanations which support your points, such as the adverse impact of excessive screen time on children's health.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

6.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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. Some people belieye lhol reoding sfories from o book ls befier lhon wolching fV or ploying compuler gomes for children. fo whot exlenf do You ogtee ot disogree?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems trying alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many government spend a lot of money on art. Some people think this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everwhere today? (Steve Copyright)