These days people are living in their 90s and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care of the elderly. Do you think it is the responsiblity of the family to take care of their elderly member or should the government be held responsible?

There is a huge emphasis
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
care
of the elderly
people
. Nowadays, they have
life long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
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period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
they are living in their 90s and more. It is argued if it is family or
government
responsibility. I believe that
it
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apply
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both
side
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sides
show examples
are
response
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responsive
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but
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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more duties to increase the
care
of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
To begin
with, family members are not always available to take
care
of
their
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the
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elderly.
Moreover
,
people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
many hours at work, school, and university in order to live
in
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at
show examples
a good economic level.
Furthermore
, in some
instances
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instances,
show examples
people
need to change their places and go to study abroad due
the
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to the
show examples
high competition we live through
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
In addition
, they do not have
the
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apply
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enough time to keep taking
care
of their parents or grandparents.
On the other hand
,
government
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the government
show examples
have a significant impact on elderly
care
by improving the
hospitals
Change to a genitive case
hospital's
hospitals'
show examples
qualities. The long-life
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have had many medical illnesses
such
as diabetes, hypertension and heart problems.
Moreover
, they need to have a good quality medical
care
experience.
In addition
, to gain
a high-level medical services
Correct the article-noun agreement
high-level medical services
a high-level medical service
show examples
and priority for the elderly
people
the
government
should spend more money
in
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on
show examples
hospitals
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hospital
show examples
improvement. An example,
in
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apply
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UAE hospitals
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
a specific elderly
Correct the article-noun agreement
specific elderly care clinics
a specific elderly care clinic
show examples
care
clinics which can tackle the issue of waiting for
long
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a long
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time for elderly checkup
appointment
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appointments
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at
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
show examples
.
To conclude
,
The
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apply
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both sectors
plays
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play
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a significant role in
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
cares
Correct subject-verb agreement
care
show examples
.
However
, the
government
have
the
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apply
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essential responsibilities
due to
the
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
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services
at
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in
show examples
health
care
.
Moreover
, family members are not available 24 hours to take
care
of their elderly.
Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provide smoother transitions between points for better logical flow.
task achievement
Work on elaborating and developing ideas more clearly to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • senior citizens
  • pension schemes
  • geriatric care
  • long-term care
  • nursing homes
  • home healthcare services
  • family dynamics
  • emotional support
  • financial burden
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • social services
  • government intervention
  • caregivers
  • elderly welfare
  • retirement plans
  • public healthcare system
  • tax-funded programs
  • inter-generational bonds
  • dependency ratio
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