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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities whether they only know a few people in their area. Advantages and disadvantages of living in small communities?

#people #villages #cities #area #communities
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There is no denying the fact that
,
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apply
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 most
people
 in the previous centuries lived in small areas so they can know everyone there. There is
also
 an argument that
,
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apply
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 nowadays
people
 prefer to live in a large city but it is hard to know more
people
 like
small
Change preposition
in small
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 villages.
This
 essay will analyse
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, the majority of
people
 in the past lived in small cities or villages where they can make friends with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of the area easily.
In other words
, you can know a lot of
people
 just by walking to markets
everyday
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every day
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 or even
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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people
 will let you know more folks.
In addition
, the idea of living in
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 area has its
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 and maybe it will increase crime.
For instance
, I know someone who lived in a small society and he said that it is bad to live there because every day he misses something and every time he wants to know somebody they reject him for no reason, he
also
 said they are rude to him without reason he finds it strange.
On the other hand
, most
people
 today prefer to stay in large cities easily. It is
also
 possible to say that, they can get a variety of
people
 and all kinds of humans not unlike small villages and there are a lot of safe places you can live in , unlike a village. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that, living in a small community has many disadvantages compared with the advantages.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, start with a clearer structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid repeating similar ideas. Instead, develop new points or expand on existing ones with more depth.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by providing a more comprehensive overview of the topic and clearly stating your position.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps provide structure to your writing.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tight-knit
  • support systems
  • low crime rates
  • limited access
  • employment opportunities
  • pressure
  • lack of privacy
  • cooperation
  • shared community values
  • closed-mindedness
  • homogeneous
What to do next:
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